I'm the lawyer for the band Survivor. It's great to see that "The Search is Over", and I've managed to get a Wi-Fi signal, and some kind of response from someone who wasn't decimated in that awful Meteor disaster. I've been sending out Emails to friends (and the band) for weeks hoping to hear back. I'm trapped in my underground shelter listening to Survivor songs. (It's just what I do in times of crisis.)
But it's "The Moment of Truth". I need to finally stand up, take off these filthy pants and get some feeling back in my genitals.
You see, I wasn't the only one to find refuge in these underground catacombs. Apparently, a TIGER made it's way in here as well. In an ensuing scuffle, I was clawed across my genitals... And bad.
I dug my thumbs into the eyes of the Tiger, and managed to pop them out.
So here I am, crumpled over in a shelter with shit-filled pants and a Goddamn "Eye of the Tiger" in my hand.
Please help!
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