Read 'em and weep, or cheer, or I don't care...

The 2021 Draft has concluded, and only the GURU can do a deep dive into what REALLY happened:

Arf – B: It’s green in the Sonoran Desert, and Arf obliged with a “green” 21-year-old who, by all means, could unseat the incumbent by mid-year. The GURU was a bit surprised that pick 3.14 went unused as any running back on the Texans roster isn’t worth a spot! Make it a B minus…

Bullies – C: Diversity is the theme in this world, and the GURU thinks that the Bullies were in need of showing the MWAC and the world that he isn’t the crusty old man that we know he is! In this LBGQETWXZAR world, when you draft a player with the last name Gay, you’re proving ‘em wrong Baz!

Destroyers – A: BOOM! KAPOW! BOFF! Z-ZWAP! These iconic Batman and Robin fisticuff words describe the Destroyers picks as he hit it out harder than the Penguin’s cane to the lower gonads! Love Love, Callaway is a golfer’s and MWAC’s dream, and Landry as Mr. Irrelevant? The GURU doesn’t think so!

Bear Down – B: CHARRRRRRRGE! Not sure what the connection is there, but 2 Charger players taken by Bear Down gives me a reason for some sort of conspiracy or inside knowledge. Do you also know who owns Hunter Biden’s lap top computer?

No Name – A-: Could have run the buffet table like the Eddy Lacy of old, but Etienne went too early with no guarantees that he will be feasting in 2022. Najee will be eating up NFL defenses starting Week 1, and Meyers taken in the 3rd is the dessert to finish off this 5 course draft! Well done, like my steak, No Name!

Revenge – F: So understand Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up, make your stand Realize you're living in the golden years…ring a bell Jethro? There was 1 player on your roster you could have wasted…good luck! (DISCLAIMER: The GURU doesn’t like it when a team doesn’t draft a player)

Brewers – B+: From the east coast to the west, the Brewers covered the full scouting spectrum and went west for a QB, Midwest for a WR and east for a K. The GURU considers Lance the best QB in the draft, and with the lack of talent in Detroit, St. Brown could be a saint for this team! Then, like most teams during the draft, he had to stay home and take a New England boy! GURU KUDOS!

King – A-: How did King get Moore and Toney in the second round? Are you other MWAC owners just plain stupid? The GURU loves these guys, and by them going to King, this means that all of you still have a shot to trade for them! Remember, it is King that drafted them! Big Mac Jones could be the sleeper of the year in the NFL, so PLEEEEEAAAAASSSSE John hold onto him!

Nords – D: How bad is your team when you draft 3 Jets players and a Chicago Bear? I say no more…(I just burpuked in my mouth) but I am compelled to do so. No I can’t…I’m done. I have to take a dump…

Maniax – C+: Well, it’s an up HILL battle with Winston in front of you, but as the only player who’s a member of the 30/30 club, this means that Taysom may be the guy by year end. And if you were trying to get into Sydney McLaughlin’s shorts, Maniax, sorry to let you know that Chase isn’t related…

Packages – B+: Famous quote by a former Bears QB: “Chicago is where quarterbacks go to die”. You should be shaking like my ol’ Uncle Fester who gave up his moonshine for gummy bears! But the GURU has hope that the combo of Fields and Kmet will be giving MWAC owners a reason to put a “U” between the F and K…”FuK what just happened!”

Wreck – A: WOW! What a DRAFT! Seen it before from the Wreck, but T-Law will be laying down the law in Jax for years to come. And it’s about time that a Philly WR steps up (the GURU still remembers Harold Carmichael, the best Philly player EVER) and Smith will be the guy! We all know the kicking woes of the Vikings, but let’s pray for Joseph in 2021…c’mon!

Rowdy – C: You know, the GURU isn’t often perplexed by a couple of drafted players, but this Rowdy draft has me perplexed. Ty Johnson goes undrafted, but Carter is taken at #9. What gives? There were starting WR’s at 12, but the Bunch goes with Marshall (who, by the way, will be attempting to catch Sam Darnold’s balls)…yes I said that! Because that is all that he will catch…in the shower…enough!

Truants – A-: You know, what is it that every year, the Truants feel the need to take a KICKER! But, to the Truants credit, drafting 2 stud WR’s in the first round makes the GURU’s schlong stand at full mast! I’m excited! This team could be really damn good! Then you add a back with the name of Rhamondre (you know he’s one pissed off individual), and it could be a GURU wet dream every weekend!

Vader – D-: Ever hear of Dean Wormer? And Flounder? And the famous quote “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son”? Well, you’ve achieved 2 of the 3 with your lack of preparation, lack of addressing your needs at RB, and lack of making any effort to improve your team. Flounders 0.2 GPA makes him look like Christopher Hirata (the smartest man in 2021 FYI). Oh yea, rumor has it you were drunk during the draft also…this is the 2 of 3.

Vikings – A-: This reminds me of the pastry studio I recently watched where Julia Child baked her famous Apple Turnover…the Vikings basically turned his team over! With 7 picks, he pulled out the PITTS and served it on a TREY! Rashod BATEMAN was seen serving up Nico “Tom” COLLINS drinks in SANTOSO, Chili to Austin SEIBERT! The GURU thinks that the Vikings are getting HUNGRY for a title in 2021; look out MWAC!

That’s it…the GURU once again lays it on the line, like it or not…because: “Frankly MWAC, I don’t give a DAMN!”