[ Respond | Andarin: The Mountains ]
Posted by Lycoris on February 27, 2009, 3:13 am
210.11.161.202
L y c o r i s
Hesper was off somewhere. Playing with Freya, or Joh, or Oceantree, or Formaldehyde, or Nicodemus, heck maybe even Voraer. But she wasn’t with her mother, who was doing something she hadn’t done in a while.
Lycoris wandered. She wondered and she wandered, through the currently cold lands of Andarin. Mouth agape slightly, her eyes were unfocused as she swaggers along. Thoughts unravelled with every step, and she was alone. Bifröst was dormant, somewhere inside her, and the air was still. Her mind shut out the senseless hum of others, and she was revelling in being nostalgic. But she wasn’t the same mare she’d been when she first came to Andarin, wandering and wondering.
In a sudden moment, her body shivers, and she wants Micah next to her.
Lycoris tries not to haste, but her poise is flushed when she does seek him out, with a stumbling gait. Ruthless legs that grope at the earth in wide steps, but they never let Lycoris fall. Even as they tilt with a stumble, the speckled mare does not fall, as she looks for him.
Her amber eyes are creased when she finds him, and she stumbles in front of him, her mouth gaping and stutters already falling from them. “I,I… I, I…” The words are hesitant and shaky, and the red and white mare didn’t feel like herself. There was something inside her, that for a couple of months hadn’t feel like her.
“I think I wanted to talk to you about something,” Her voice breaks, and she’s mumbling to herself, and she feels the shivers down her body and can’t help but think that maybe if that first foal was alive, then it’d look like this when she got scared and confused, standing here bumbling and shaking and on the verge of sobs, chest heaving. And she can’t stop thinking about the child, and her voice gushes out, as she stands there in a hopeless, heaving pose, “I think it had your eyes,” Lycoris’s voice is staggered, and she has to lower her head, amber eyes rolling deliriously. “Because I think that’d make sense,” And then she can’t help it. Lycoris bawls herself against Micah, propels against his chest, head tucked against the inside of a foreleg, and her entire body shakes.
“I’m sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry I couldn’t… I didn’t, that, that it wasn’t alive Micah, I don’t know what went wrong, “ Her words stutter and trip and stumble from her mouth as she cringes towards him, “Please, please Micah, I’m so sorry, please forgive me, please don’t leave me,” Lycoris shakes and sobs, “I, I, I was s-s-sso scared,d,d you, you wouldn’t be here Micah. That you’d leave m-m-me… because they just do that-t-t, in the end they leave me, a-aand I couldn’t c-c-cope if you left me, not yet, not yet,notyetnotyetnotyetnotyet” Her voice is muffled and half nonsensical, her thoughts are jumbling, they’re all over the place, ripping through any sort of chronological order. Placing old friends and old family in area’s they’d never been, or her fellow wolves down by an ocean they’d never shared. “..and, and, and and I can’t get rid of it. I c-c-can’t-t-sstop this dread, and I d-d-ddon’t know where it’s come from, a-a-nd I haven’t f-fffelt likethisinforever, forever, forever, forever, I was so, so silly, s-s-so silly, I thought they-the-they-they’d be there forever and then one day they w-w-weren’t, and, and I d-d-don’t kn-know wh-whwhwhwhwhwat, I’d d-d-do if you w-weren’t here t-t-today, Micah,” The pain presses at her chest, and she’s seeing a young filly that looks like her, but has the green eyes when earth flourishes around it and she’s dreaming of flowers and trees, and hugs and kisses, and children, and mountains and rainbows as she heaves into his warm chest, and can’t control herself anymore. She can’t control herself, and she’s having trouble talking any more, and all the rainbows disappear.
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