It looks like you might need to do a bit of soul searching to clear up some of this confusion. There's no shame in being confused, and it's often a normal part of starting out and deciding where you want to be spiritually.
1)Don't rush, take your time. Don't worry if it seems like the world is passing you by: it's not. Your search is a part of your growth as a pagan/witch.
2)Meditate on it. Pray on it. Ask the Goddess and God for help. Let the answers come in their own time. Spend some time really asking yourself what direction you want to take. Just be honest with yourself.
3)Read read read. By now, there is a veritable plethora of books out there for the beginner, and some of them are pretty good (and some of them are, well, not). I wish I knew of some of the more recent ones, but I can always direct you to the ones I've read and that I know are helpful:
-"Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner" by Scott Cunningham. This is a very gentle intro and I would also recommend the sequel "Living Wicca". Get these two first.
-I also liked "21st Century Witchcraft" by Jennifer Hunter. (That was a LOOOONG time ago.)
-A book on the Sabbats, like "Sabbats" by Edain McCoy.
-"Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft" by Raymond Buckland.
-"The Spiral Dance" by Starhawk.
-"Wiccan Mysteries" and "Wiccan Magick" by Raven Grimassi, who can be controversial, but I like him.
-"The Witches Bible", "The Witches God" and "The Witches Goddess" by the Fararrs are good as well.
I'm sure Mimi has most, if not all, of these books in her store, but if not, you can get them at your local bookstore or amazon.com.
4)Practice practice practice. Don't be afraid to use what you learn. Mimi has posted the Star Exercise and I strongly suggest you start with that.
5)If there is a reputable pagan shop in your area, visit them and inquire about classes. Many of them offer classes and workshops in "Wicca 101".
6)None of these things will make you an expert. Keep learning, keep practicing, keep growing.
Good luck in the future,
Kitty
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