So, the Mule show was great, right? Due to a hideously overly long, dirge-like wedding reception for a cousin of mine, i missed the first set. however, i got there right at setbreak (in my new car, i might add) and headed straight to the bar. there are two reasons for this ~ a) the reception was alcohol free and 2) i figured if i stood there long enough, someone i knew would have to appear. sure enough, matt zapper showed up and led me to josh and louis. they were standing in the sweet spot, thrilled with the first set. omens were good.... so the show goes on (a bust out mr. big, a matt abts drum solo [so conflicted i am], an encored 12-string-electric raven black night, a sick where's my>who do ya> where's my, other goodies [including that jam that ancient harmony played that i kept trying to figure it out, and that usry says is a zz top tune, well, they jammed that too! same lead guitar line and everything!!], and NO SOULSHINE!!!!!! even though louis called out for it... ) but i digress! this story is about how louis got dave grohl to take us all back stage, party with the whole crew, and get treated like royalty. it all starts with my morning jacket. so, the show is over. folks have disipated, and the zappers, louis, an old holcomb buddy from norfolk named brian that i think i met at a quiver show, and myself were all standing around chatting. louis, being the naturally cool guy that he is, starts mentioning upcoming shows that we should all try to attend, and starts talking up my morning jacket. they're playing at the end of the month, he says, and they're great. we should all go see them. well, on his way to back stage, local boy and known warren fan, dave grohl, happens to pass us by. he stops, puts his hands on louis' shoulders and says "listen to this man, for he speaks the truth. those guys are the best band around." now louis, acting purely on instinct says, "well, it's their textures that really get me." dave's eyes light up, and says, "you know your music!!!" louis humbly demurred. grohl was now fully intrigued. i took the lull mention his mother. she was my twelfth grade ap english teacher, and i was member of her forensics team, a decent actor and a huge music fan. she held me after class one day to listen to a tape that dave had sent her from his new band in seattle. a basement demo of nevermind. his eyes started to show some sign of recognition. or perhaps a flash of sobriety. either way, he asked me, "are you the kid mom asked about record companies?" "i mean, i told her david geffen was a good choice for that band in that position, if that's what you mean..." "dude, mom told us that, and kurt was all like, 'that seals it then.' so we chose based on what you said. thank you so much!!!" not to be outdone (but in a casual, non-assuming sort of way), louis said simply "my morning jacket." "those guys are the best band around!!!" " i know dude, it's their textures that really get me." louis glibbed. and that's when it happened. somewhere beyond the alcohol and crack, past the h-bombs and demerol suppositories, dave grohl realized. This Guy (louis) Really Was THE Coolest!!! and so he grabbed us. sort of in a drunken man-handling way, but it was ok. zapper kinda liked it, actually. but he grabbed us and led us backstage. his girlfriend was confused, but i think she was comfortable with that, so she blithely followed along. well now we are backstage, post-Mule on one of the biggest party weekends of the year, at the infamous 9:30 club with an addled dave grohl leading our intrepid group into a hedonistic orgy of wanton excess, based solely on louis' never failing ability to say the right thing at the right time, especially to wasted rock stars. life was looking good. if you haven't been backstage at the 9:30 club, it's a little hard to explain. think 14th century harem with a splash of studio 54. so anyway, dave takes us up to warren, matt and who ever else is in the band these days and whispers into warren's ear. "godfather," says dave "these are wise and interesting people, who have intrigued my curiosity to a finely honed thirst. got any blow?" warren looked at us in his usual surly but coy way, and nodded at me. "you're that kid i saw playing air guitar so well, aren't you?" "well," i said, " there was that time when you really should have run down that lick from b-flat dyslexian to a e-seventh sharp penatonic mixolydian arpeggio with a muted ninth. but other than that, i thought you nailed it tonight." warren's eyes flashed. unused to being disgraced, but knowing i was right, he yielded. "i should have. next time stand closer, so i can see your hands better." "will do, godfather." during this exhange, behind me, louis and the zappers had gotten themselves otherwise engaged. dave grohl had led them to the 'wall of hookers', for which the 9:30 is internationally known. usually reserved for band members (with a smaller 'closet of skanks' for the crews), dave grohl had begun to initiate the boys in the ways of the rock star. handing josh a frisbee full of columbian slapyomama he said, "pick and choose. be greedy. be self indulgent. you're back stage now! everything goes!!!" louis, our faithful leader, begun to look anguished. "i love my wife, my marriage, my life. i would never disgrace it with such a cheap folly." dave grohl just smiled, "stella here is a trained expert in the art of fellati-no. it is a completely martially faithful hummer. it's an ancient hindi methodology. she kneels a full foot away, and with a combination of energy fluxes, karmic realignments, crystal power, herbs and vortex-like inhalation, she'll get you off like you never thought possible!!! and all while being true to the one you love." josh was wasn't wasting any time on such moral issues, and had managed to knock out a six foot asian chick, and a curly redhead from uganda. he was staring down a muslim chick in full veil, while muttering something about glory holes. matt was in the corner with a midget, a frisbee, a crazy straw and a maniacal grin. to be honest, i was just amazed. i mean, i knew louis ruled, but to have this kind of power and pull. the shazam to get us into this sort of situation. as soon as i was done giving warren my autograph, i played a tune to express my gratitude. afterwards we began to split up and make our ways home. the zappers each had a sackful of groupies over their shoulders. dave grohl was now on a table in the center of the room freebasing matt abts' hair dye. warren was by the wall releasing brian farmer from his indentured status. brian was looking lost and confused mumbling 'but we look so much alike warren, so much alike....'. apparently there are other guys in Mule, but who cares what they were doing as long as it doesn't get in matt and warren's ways. louis snuck out after stella blew. and me, i just thought of those inspiring words that had just erupted from me spontaneously, welling forth from the universal energy that is music, created entirely anew and uniquely befitting only that specific time and place which we were in. "It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.."
Message Thread
« Back to index