So, I'm coming to the LWF in the hopes that when I win that LWF Belt, I'll be able to use my clout to get some real answers as to why the dinosaurs died.
...Anyway, I'll use my fame, like early 80's LWF Star Huck Hagen and travel the globe demanding answers. (Although, his crusade was more about ending jock itch)
You see, people out there (hopefully some LWF fans) know what might have happened to end the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. If we figured out what killed them, we can have a plan ready to ensure it never happens again, y'know?
Was it a meteor? Was it aliens? Was it some strange disease that killed them? We gotta know! And that's MY platform, as LWF Champion.
Also, evidence suggests that they walked the earth for 165 million years? Can you believe that? I sure can. And all we find is their BONES. But after 165 million years, I dunno...
I think those motherfuh-ckers had CLOTHES.
So, I'd also like to use my Championship Platform to find Dinosaur clothes.
But we have to be fast, since a meteor could hit at any time and set all the volcanoes off again.
Oh, and I'm coming LWF... To kick (dinosaur) tail, and win the leather (not dinosaur hide) strap! And then use my fame to discover what killed the dinosaurs in order to save humanity.
I'm otherwise pretty lame, and just trying to explain myself before Portillo's gets here. This will also be the second time I've tried Portillo's by UberGrubeats./2021fooddelivery.shits, and it's not been very hot. But, y'know, there's usually a lot going on there. They're very, very busy usually. I mean maybe there's some system they have in place for the driver to be faster with the food, but the fries just turn into a soggy, barely eatable mess.
(looks out window)
Hmmm. Not yet, huh?
Okay. Well, speaking of volcanos... I have a valet named Lady Lava who comes out with me wearing volcano-themed gear. And when I win matches, I throw Lady Lava on you. (Like Damien the Snake or when they would inappropriately sic Matilda on their opponents)
But once Lady Lava is all hot and writhing around on you, I produce a camera and take photos which are then sent to your wife or significant other. From there, what usually happens is a jealous wife forces my defeated opponent to quit the business "if that's what it's going to be about", and I move on to another victim.
My ways have made MANY a man's career become extinct.
(looks out window)
Shit... Guess a few more minutes...
And did I mention I'm going to come to the ring on a repurposed WrestleMania 3 Cart? Yeah, and it's going to be made to look like a comet. As I come crashing in to the business.
Portillos has good tamales. I mean, they're not authentic, but they have their own thing going on.
(looks out window)
(volcano in the distance goes off)
(fast rushing lava approaches)
Y'know, shit. Why did my obsession make me want to LIVE near one of
LAVA
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