Posted by Brian
on 5/24/2003, 3:34 pm
65.95.184.117
I'm 23 now, a devoted non-smoker, but I've had the smoking fetish since my early teens. It's not something I'm honestly proud of, but I accept that I have it and I like to embrace it privatly. Only recently have I confided in my girlfriend about this "problem," she's the only one I've ever told. Unfortunatly I've maintained to her that it is a "problem" and I wanna get rid of it even though I don't really want to cause it feels so good. The thing is that I do love her very very much and I don't want her to try smoking because I'm afraid she'll get addicted and that is simply not an option. On the flip side, in a perfect world, I'd like her to smoke only occasionally and when we're alone, but this isn't a perfect world and it's possible that she could get addicted. She does know about my fetish and I think it took a lot of guts for me to let it out. She's the sort of person who absolutly despises smoking and thinks it's absolutly disgusting, a view I tend to agree with wholeheartedly...accept when I'm aroused by it. Fairly recently there was a spell of a few months where I talked about it with her a lot and tried to covertly coerce her into doing it for me just once. Eventually we reached a compromise where I agreed to do it too if she did it and I was happy that I finally convinced her to do it. Unfortunatly I do not want to do it at all and have no interest in it whatsoever, all I wan't is to see my girlfriend smoke. After thinking about it for a while, I eventually broke and told her that I never really meant it at all and it was just a tactic to get her to agree to do it for me, but thats all I ever wanted, her to "agree" not actually do it. The tactic was meant to cure me of the fetish once and for all. For a couple of weeks I actually believed it was over, but then it began to come back and I'm enjoying it more than ever again. But what the real problem is, is that I promised if I ever mentioned it again, that she could take whatever steps she wanted to punish me for it, even if it meant breaking up with me. So now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The risk of bringing it up is too great, but once again I'm dying to see her smoke for me. I'm thinking of waiting until we're married and attempting to explain the situation in a way where she would agree to do it for me and I could have a clear conscience. Any suggestions on what I could do?
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