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Posted by Gloria on 1/14/2003, 6:30 am
I read this article and thought it was interesting. I never raised sons and watching my daughter raise her 11 1/2 & 10 year old sons is fun..they sure are different then girls...LOL Just wanted to share the article~~~
Question: Help! I'm a moth- er of two sons, and I feel as if I've been thrust into a strange, , new world. Are boys always so rough? Sometimes the noise level in our house is more than I can take! Is this'normal?
Dr. Dobson: I've got both good and bad news for you -it is normal, so you' d better get used to it and learn to cope! One of my colleagues, Dr. Tim Irwin-, once shared his observation that
women who Focus or
have not grown up with brothers- are often shocked by the
sheer physicality of boys -by the sights and sounds and smells they generate. Some, like you, admit they are completely "clueless" in knowing how to deal with them.
One 'obvious suggestion is to help boys release their excess ~energy by getting them involved in activities where fighting, laughing, running, tumbling and yelling are acceptable. soccer, karate, Little League and football are a few possibilies- Moms also need to keep boys' little minds and hands busy. It's in their best interest to do so. My father once said about our energetic toddler, "If yOU let that kid get bored, you deserve what he's going to do to yOU." Shirley's stepfather, who has a South Dakota accent, once said after baby-sitting our kids 'for a week, "Oh, der good kids. You just gotta keep 'em out in da open." Good advice!
Question: You've often said that boys and men are usually not natural communicators. Boy, does that describe the
"men" in my life! What can I do to keep everyone talking to one another?
Dr. Dobson: Every .family needs at least one highly communicative person in the home, and it looks like you are the one. Many boys are inclined to bottle up whatever frustration they are carrying inside. Unless you take the initiative to pull them out, some of them may withdraw within themselves and stay
there emotionally.- I urge you to do
whatever is required to get into
your sons world.
. Keep talking and exploring and teaching. Communication is the goal. Everything depends on it.
In 1991 Saddam HusseiQ and his Iraqi army invaded the tiny, oil-rich country of Kuwait and subjected its people to terrible brutality. Their troops were poised 10 attack Saudi Arabia and thereby control half the world's oil supply. President George Bush demanded repeat- edly that Hussein withdraw his forces, but he stubbornly re- fused. Thus, on Jan. 17 of that year, Operation Desert Storm was launched. Several hundred thousand allied troops attacked the Iraqi army from land, sea and air. What do you think was the first objective of the battle?
You might expect it to have been Saddam 's tanks, or his planes, or his frontline soldiers. Instead, the allies destroyed the Iraqis' communication network. Stealth bombers smashed it with smart" bombs and other weapons. In so doing, our forces
~,~
interfered with the ability of the Iraqi generals to talk to each other. They had no way to coordinate their effort or direct the movements of their army. The war ended a few weeks later.
What happened in Desert Storm has direct relevance for families. When the communicative link between members breaks down, they become dis- organized and distant from each other, If husbands and wives stop talking to each other, or if parents and children grow silent, they slip into misunderstanding and resentment. Steel-reinforced barriers are erected, and anger prevails, For many families, this is the beginning of the end.
Let me urge you mothers to talk regularly to your sons (and, of course, to every other member of the family), It is a skill that can be taught Work hard at keeping the lines of communication open and clear, Explore what your children and your spouse are thinking and feeling. Target your boys, especially, because they may be concealing a cauldron of emotion. When you sense a closed spirit developing, don't let another day go by without bringing hidden feelings out in the open. It's the fIrst principle of healthy family life,
D1: Dobson is president of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, P.O, Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO. 80903,' or www.family,org. Questions and answers are ex- cerpted from "The Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide, " published by Tyndale House.
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