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Posted by english on 8/4/2006, 9:43 pm, in reply to "Christmas in July" Three movers arrive at the Barron house to de-ethnicize the Barron family home. Anything they wouldn’t find in their own homes has to go—that means books, the aforementioned chachkas, even the Marc Chagall (presumably not the one of the goat playing the violin, because happiness isn’t happiness without a violin-playing goat). As Sonny (her hair now dyed blonde) watches her house stripped of personality, identity, and memories, she reflects sadly that “It Should be Funny.” But it’s just not—she gets the joke, but doesn't see the punchline; she just doesn’t understand her husband’s willingness to erase himself like this. When her son’s bar mitzvah’s portrait is taken down, the narrator notes that the paint behind it is darker than the rest of the wall—time for a fresh coat of paint. The living room is completely transformed—Jerry walks in and notes with shock, then glee, the plaid drapes, plastic on the furniture, an enormous Christmas tree, presents, Norman Rockwell paintings, and a wall of trophies where the books used to be. Keep in mind, we saw a staged reading, so the audience had to see everything through Jerry’s eyes. I thought Douglas did a marvelous job of giving us this impression of the transformation of his living room, his eyes darting to different corners of the room as he sees the picture perfect Christmas scene being staged for his comeback. “It’s perfect!” he declares. Pepper arrives--pissed, petulant, persnickety, and perturbed. She’s just read the script and her part is puny. She declares Jerry to be a putz. She has 7 lines. She wants the part of Sonny; she’ll settle for the part of Marilyn. When Jerry protests that his family will play his family, Pepper proclaims that this is nepotism and she’ll call her father and he’ll pull the plug on this project Finally, Pepper proposes to play the maid (“she don’t look like no family to me”). (ok, I think I broke my p key in that paragraph) Zae enters, thrilled that she’ll be on the show with her boss. She is wearing her Sunday best and is prepared to sing “O Holy Night.” Even though Zae has always been his one, true champion, Jerry tells her that he’s heard from the higher-ups and that she can’t be on his show. Zae glances over at Pepper and puts two and two together. Jerry and Pepper leave and Zae has a reprisal of her torch song, “For That Man” with a few added lyrics (“even vote for Nixon for that man”). The show starts, sponsored by Dole Pineapple and airing live from Beverly Hills. We are greeted by a Nomadic Arab shepherd, a Buddhist monk, and a Native America. Imagine every broad, unfunny stereotype that would have been acceptable in the 1950s. Now imagine it twice as bad. Yeah. Something like that. They launch into a “We Don’t Celebrate Christmas” (love the verbal irony) and are soon joined by Sonny, Scott, Marilyn, who greet their “ethnic neighbors from next door.” It’s every bad holiday special you’ve ever seen—awkward, forced, artificial, and lame. It’s also incredibly funny. That might have something to do with a rhyme that pairs “candy corn” with “all because some kid was born.” Jerry is noticeably absent from the opening production number—that’s because he’s upstairs, preparing his entrance: a solo number that starts with his back turned to the audience. It’s a nightclub number, of sorts. Think Sinatra: the late (bad) Vegas years. Mic in hand. “Who do I see when I look in that mirror/What do I feel?/What I think/Someone impossibly fit and handsome/Someone incredibly in the pink”). He turns around to face the audience. He’s wearing a pig nose. I’ll give you a second to visualize, or remember as the case may be. His song, “Christmas Ham,” includes a darling little shake of his rump (do you want more visualizing time?) and oinking as his family sings backup. He welcomes his audience to Chez Barron, oblivious to his family’s mortification. “Christmas Ham” quickly segues to “Jerry Christmas,” the theme song of the tv show within the show. The song cuts to show scenes from the show—including Sonny teaching Marilyn how to make eggnog (“the secret ingredient is love…and vodka”) and Jerry teaching his son how to fix a car. He calls out for Zae to come join them. Pepper enters wearing an apron. Jerry asks her to sing “O Holy Night,” and she agrees. I’m really not sure how to describe Pepper’s flair for singing. There just aren’t the adjectives in the English language. Is cat-screeching an adjective? How about blackboard-scraping? Ear-bleeding? Ok, so technically, those are gerunds. Jessica Stone finds every single note in that song, misses them by a mile, then comes back and smashes them with a sledgehammer. Pepper puts a spin on notes thsat should never be spun, warbling and wobbling her way through the traditional hymn, completely oblivious to her talentlessness. Her father, the producer, is even even more clueless—he loves his daughter and believes she’s going to be a star. So when the television station calls, threatening to pull the show off the air, Mr. Mintz begs them to let his daughter finish her song. Zae overhears the phone call. An idea comes to her. The kids come into the kitchen, off-screen, they’re sorry she was taken off the show. Zae tells the children the show is bombing but good. The children are maliciously (though understandably) pleased. But Zae tells Scott, Sonny, and Marilyn they have to destroy the show—“Bring Him Down”—by revealing their secrets—Scott’s desire to go to Israel, Marilyn’s new fiancée, even Sonny’s little surprise. This anthem, a traditional 11 o’clock number scored to a strong rock beat, unites the family in their desire to save Jerry and end this farce, especially after Zae assures the children their father wouldn’t actually kill them on live tv: bring that father…down. The family exits the kitchen to put their plan in motion, and not a moment too soon—Jerry is on a ventriloquist act that has him talking to a Baby Jesus sock puppet. (“So, how old are you?” “One thousand nine hundred sixty-two.” “Gee, you don’t look a day over 33.” What’s your secret? “Myrrh..”) The act is tanking. Zae charges on, accusing Jerry of firing her and inviting Scott and Marilyn to tell their father their secrets. It turns out Sonny has started the proceedings for a divorce. All of this is being revealed on national television a la another Jerry’s tv show. Sonny doesn’t see any of this as a joke because there is no punchline and there is nothing funny here; his kids hate him because he only cares about himself and his career, with never any time for his family. An echo from “Change My Spots” starts as reality comes crashing around our star. He is angry because he is a faithful husband and a good provider, a good father for their children. Everyone should be happy because they have everything. Faltering, he gets lost in the lyrics of “Christmas Ham,” almost having a nervous breakdown. Dying is easy; comedy is hard. The worst thing for a comedian is to die on stage—when every joke falls flat and nothing connects with the audience. Jerry realizes his death as an entertainer as well as the death of his family is being aired on tv (“Jerry Barron Dies”). He starts repeating the last word “die” and for a second it almost appears as if his breakdown has really happened. Die die die die die die die die die die. But soon the word takes on the melody of a more traditional Hebrew/Judaic song. Sonny joins him, slowly at first, and they harmonize—perhaps the first time they’ve been in a harmony on anything for quite a while. Die die die die die die die die die die. Marilyn and Scott join as well and the melody quickens. Zaeprohina joins in, the five voices blending in a crescendo. Even Pepper can’t break the spell. Mr. Mintz interrupts--the ratings are up! The show is a hit! Fast forward one year later, and Jerry and Sonny are getting ready in their bathroom. The scene is a perfect circle back to the first scene of the show. Another movie premiere—Jesus Was Jewish. Sonny assures him it’s good and funny and the best movie he’s ever made. Jerry’s anxiety and neuroses have vanished though—he dismisses her praise, telling her “It’s just a movie.”
68.126.219.146
Act 2 opens with a reprisal of “On the Show” this time with Pepper Mintz (take a second…say it out loud). Pepper is the daughter of the producer of the Jerry Christmas TV Spectacular (or whatever it’s called). Pepper is bratty and bossy, demanding a part on the show (“ontheshow ontheshow ontheshow ontheshow ontheshow ontheshow ontheshow ontheshow!”), as she was promised by her father. She quickly wears Jerry down and he agrees, realizing it’s a choice between this force of nature or no television special at all.
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