Posted by BC Crowley: HA! Da champ is stickin' it to these Canadian fans good! The hometown of the Toronto Maple Leafs! I'm a staunch Rangers fan... but HA! Masters: Why is he taunting them? Crowley: He's an equal opportunity ball buster! Ariel: (Looking away.) Eww, several wolverines are mating on DIREWOLF'S legs! Crowley: HAHAHAHAHA! [The jeers IMMEDIATELY return to HUGE cheers causing ARIEL to look up at the big screen again and witnesses DIREWOLF wipe the sweat out from under his hairy armpits with the ISLANDERS jersey and tosses it to the floor!] Masters: THEY LOVED THAT! Crowley: Yeah, yeah... Ariel: AH! The wolverines gave birth under his arms! He wiped away the amniotic fluids with that jersey! ICK! ICK! Did you see! Did you Crowley: HAHAHAHA! You're an idiot! [There is a soft knock at the door, followed by a louder one...then a soft one...then a louder one; as if the knocker were trying to be different Masters: OH GOOD GAWD! IT'S PINK! [The crowd return to boos as indeed Masters is right. Canadians obviously don't appreciate the "talents" of PINK. Smart people.] Direwolf: What do you want? Pink: MY SONG BACK! Crowley: (Chimes in.) GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK! Ariel: NOOOO!!! LET HIM KEEP THE SONG!!! AND BE CAREFUL PINK! THERE ARE RABID WOLVERINES ALL OVER DIREWOLF'S BODY! Masters/Crowley: SHUT THE HELL UP! [The scene returns to DIREWOLF'S dressing room where the scantily clad PINK sits down in DIREWOLF'S chair. He shakes his head on realization of how bored he is about to become conversing with PINK, then extends his hand Pink: (Slaps it away.) I ain't frontin' with chu. I want chu to cease and desist using MY song before your crack-head matches. Direwolf: Why? I introduced your bubblegum-pop to a new demographic. I'm sure my playing of the song sold you at least, what? Three dozen more Pink: Don't you be dissing me! Don't you be dissing my art! I'm a b###h and proud! (Attempts to get in his face, but he's much, much taller than her.) I'll smack the plaque offa your teeth b###h! Direwolf: Are you the good b###h and I'm the bad b###h then? Pink: QUIT FRONTIN'! My crew will mess you up good! Direwolf: (Mockingly shudders.) Will they use their super-moves learned on their Gameboys to kick my ass? [PINK slaps DIREWOLF.] Masters: Quick! Someone send medical help! PINK is gonna need it! Ariel: I hope DIREWOLF didn't train those wolverines to attack or she'll be killed! [DIREWOLF smiles and lifts PINK by the top of her head two feet off the ground! He walks her to the door by the head and sets her down Direwolf: Consider it done. [The crowd erupts as DIREWOLF slams the door shut on PINK and the era of "Get This Party Started" in the NPW.] Masters: Well, there you go! NO MORE PINK! Crowley: There is a divine being afterall. Ariel: (Pouting.) Phooey. ***** [The crowd pops loudly as the scene shows LITTLE BARRY OWENS III walking through the corridors wielding his mahogany stick high in the air. He Barry: BEATCHU ice car thang! [The little brat's rampage continues until he comes face to face with ED THE SOCK... minus the cigar. The crowd erupts in cheers.] Barry: Who you is? Ed the Sock: Mind your own business boy and just rub my head. [The camera pans out to show its not actually ED THE SOCK, but an old grizzled security guard with a FAKE ED on his lap...and it stands up!] Fake Ed the Sock: Go ahead nimrod! Were you born stupid, or just been playing with glue too much in art class? Barry: Shup SOCK BWAH, fo I beatchu mah stick! Fake Ed the Sock: Go ahead you little mistake! Beat me! Yeah beat me hard! [BARRY OWENS lifts his mahogany stick high over his head and is about to come down before it's grabbed by BADD CRAZY LOUIE Z of EXTREME, INC. LOUIE is stylin' with his Raybans taped to his head, a leather jacket with no shirt underneath, tight fitting Levi's, and alligator boots. He hasn't noticed the perverse use of a sock immediately but...] Louie: Chill BARRY! Don't be hacking on the old dude...(Notices sock.) AH!!!! Now that's the shizn'it! Yo! Shizzle on your nizzle in your Barry: What the fuggen you talkin' bout BRAINY BWAH! SPEAK PROPA! This fuggen old fug just siddown heah! IT SOCK BWAH I'S GONNA BEAT! [LOUIE hastily escorts BARRY away from the dirty, dirty old man.] Masters: Somebody get a Mountie please. Oh dear God, that was uncalled for. The people at "Viewer's Choice" are goign to be all over us.. I can't believe I'm saying this, but can we please cut over to Ric Hard ? Our videographer Tanya Ryder is standing by right now, we're told... ***** [The scene cuts backstage to a broom closet. The "Janitor" sign on the door, has been replaced by a cardboard sign which reads, "CAL Ric Hard [RH]: Get off me you goggle-eyed, gangly git! Tom Green [TG]: My bum is on Ric's head. My bum is on Ric's head. RH: AND GET YOUR BLOODY BUM OFF MY HEAD! [Ric unravels himself from the lanky Green. Ric is about to take off down the hallway, when Green grabs him by the arm.] TG: Wait, Ambassador Hard. I would like to ask you to comment on your match tonight with the very large Brock Slater. RH: Take your mitts off of me, pillock! Now you want a comment? I'll simply say goodbye, because I won't be around when that bell sounds. I'm going to hide until this bloody show is over! [Green holds the microphone very close to Ric's face. Ric pushes it away from his face, but Green simply sticks it right back.] TG: Don't run, Ric. UNLEASH THE FURY! RH: What? TG: UNLEASH THE FURY! [The camera zooms in on the microphone. There appears to be some sort of brown pudding on the tip. It's coming dangerously close to Ric's RH: The only thing I'm unleashing is my rent-a-car from the parking garage! In fact... [Ric sniffs the tip of the microphone, and a look of utter disgust sweeps across his face.] RH: IS THAT POO ON YOUR MICROPHONE? WHY I'LL--- [Suddenly, a whizzing sound is heard and Ric grabs the right side of his neck. Ric's eye twitches as he uncovers his neck and pulls out a RH: MUTINY! [With that, Ric crashes to the ground in an unconscious heap. Ivan Butterski and Clicky D. Pygmy enter the scene.] Butters: SO THAT IS KNOCKING HIM OUT UNTIL MATCH TIME, RIGHT? Clciky: Pop! Butters: WELL, WHILE RIC IS OUT COLD, MAYBE WE ARE GOING TO WOMEN DRESSING ROOM, SO WE ARE TAKING NUDE PHOTOS OF NEVE CAMPBELL TO SELL ON Clicky: POP! [The scene ends as Butters and Clicky leave Ric with Tom Green and his bum, and we cut back to ringside.] MASTERS : Ric Hard has just been knocked out by his own people as he attempted to flee the building! Up next, however -- it's the NPW Tag Team title match! It's Extreme Inc. versus The Demonstone Clan.. in Kurgan Demonsone's final match!
on 4/19/2002, 8:05 pm
[We're backstage. The scene shows NPW Champion DIREWOLF sitting in his dressing room lacing
his wrestling boots to huge pops from the crowd. The hair on his legs drapes over the top of the boot. The cheers abruptly turn to jeers when
DIREWOLF picks up and reveals a NY ISLANDERS jersey. In fact, the boo's grow more intense with each passing second.]
This is still funny!
see!
and creative, but falls short of their goal ending up quite annoying and daft. DIREWOLF stands up and opens the door.]
in courtesy.]
copies worldwide?
outside.]
knocks drinks off of a complimentary drink table; startles a cleaning woman by lifting her skirt with the business end of the stick; and beats a
zamboni mercilessly with his stick.]
own crib! That's nasty! This is a young chile! YOU ARE WHACKED!
Ambassador". Suddenly the door bursts open and "Lion Heart" Ric Hard comes bumbling out of the closet. Ric nervously glances from and side
to side before taking off in a sprint down the hallway. The camera struggles to keep up with Ric. Ric turns the corner and we hear a
crashing sound. The cameraman jogs to witness the source of the crash. As he turns the corner, we see "Lion Heart" Ric Hard entangled with Tom
Green.]
mouth.]
miniature blow dart.]
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