Posted by BC on 4/19/2002, 6:32 pm MASTERS : Well, fans, we just saw Ashley Hendricks cap off her career with a submission win over Dominic Demonstone... and what a treat it was to see that young man shake her hand! [Footage replays of the two shaking and embracing.] Chapel seemed pretty unhappy about that, and high-tailed it out of here right away... but I don't imagine that we've seen the last of her here tonight! I'm told standing by right now is comedian Tom Green, preparing to get an interview with Television title hopeful Marty Sugar!... wait a second... alright, apparently Tom will be with us in a moment. In the meantime, take a look at what Tom was up to earlier today, when he was looking for one famous person -- and found another, in former NPW champion, "High Excitement" Ric Owens! [We switch to a segment that also plays over the NorthernTron. The words EARLIER TODAY appear in the corner of the screen. The scene flashes up with a quick burst of static preceding it.] TOM GREEN (with a faux serious look on his face as if reporting a tragic event): Hello, Tom Green here at the NPW PPV [pronouncing it pee-pee-vee in a most annoying way] "The Stand" where we're [Static interrupts the scene and jarringly moves to the next one.] ******** Green: Apparently, "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan, the Huckster, works for some other company and not NPW. So, we're just going to have to interview some of the NPW talent. Let's go see who we can find. [Tom walks down the hall into an open staging area where crew hands are milling about. He approaches various crew members who instinctively remove themselves from the front of the camera.] Green (giving chase): Excuse me? Are you an NPW Superstar? No? You're not an NPW Superstar? Are you? No? Anybody here an NPW Superstar? [Static interrupts the scene again and jarringly moves to the next one.] ******** Green: Oh, there's NPW's superhero, "High Green (screaming and chasing Ric down the hall): Dick! Dickie! The Dickster! Can and I have a few words with you? [Ric manages to sprint out of sight.] Green (giving up the chase): Well, we'll catch up with the Dickinator in awhile. [Static. Next scene.] ******** [Tom is quietly waiting around a corner, ready to pounce on the next person for an interview. The cameraman is directly behind him. "High Excitement" Ric Owens, unaware of what awaits him around the corner, is walking down the hall with a paper cup in his hand. Turning the corner, he takes a sip from the cup as Tom jumps out at him. Startled, Ric spills the cup contents over himself.] Green: Dick! Owens (conceding): Oh, hey Tom. And by the way, it's Ric. Green (interrupting): You can't be! I was told Ric was a tall, thin black man. No matter. So, I've been told the reason you aren't wrestling tonight is because your back is all screwed up. C'mon, aren't you a *tough guy* like the Huckster? Owens: Who? Green: The Huckster. Y'know, "Eat your vitamins and say your prayers" [Tom starts grimacing and flexing his biceps for the camera] and "What'cha gonna do, when the man with the 24-inch pythons run wild on you!" Owens: Oh, you mean Hulk Hogan. Uh, ri-i-ight. Eating your vitamins and saying your prayers certainly are important things but I believe more in "studying smart, exercising your body, and respecting your fellow human being". Green: Yeah, but you're no Huckster are you, [With his fists balled up, Tom gets into a Green: C'mon, put'em up! Put'em up! Owens (looking perturbed): You're right, Tom, I'm no "Huckster". I am "High Excitement" Ric Owens. Former NPW Champion, former two-time NPW TV Champion and maybe to some, even a hero. And [Ric's demeanor instantly changes as he suddenly gets a bright idea.] Owens (now smiling): Sa-a-ay, Tom. I'd love to continue our little chat but I have a little meeting right now. Could we continue this conversation in, say, about half an hour? Green: Sure, Dick Dickinator. Owens (interrupting): Great! I'm just going to go talk to Brock Slater in his dressing room. Work out a few details for his match a little later, if you get my drift. [Ric winks and gently elbows Tom in the ribs.] Green: Sure thing *tough guy*. Owens (walking out of the scene): Ri-i-ight. Green (waving): Ok, Dick. What a great guy! [Static. Next scene.] ******** [Tom stands outside Brock Slater's dressing room and is about to enter. He motions to the cameraman to follow him inside. The cameraman, knowing better, shakes his head (and the camera) no. Tom urges further and after a moment, the cameraman hesitantly follows him through the door.] Green (from inside the dressing room): Hello? Is anybody in here? [Static. Next scene.] ******** [Tom is lying flat on his stomach, hog-tied, Green (a sad expression on his face): Tom Green here. As you can see, there was no interview with Ric Owens. No friendly conversation about my favourite wrestler, the Huckster. Just pain. Pain in my arms. Pain in my legs. Pain in my head. Pain in my back. I mean, what do I have to do to get a little re... [An unidentified person walks into the shot, ***** CROWLEY : HA! Serves that idiot right. Huckster... what a loser. I think that boy might be legally retarded. ARIEL : I hope that wasn't Ed the Sock rolled up in his mouth. That lit cigar could really do some damage to Tom's innards. MASTERS : Tom Green is certainly a strange individual, I'll give you that. But I understand now that he is presently backstage, and now with Marty Sugar! Tom, over to you!
[We return from a commercial advertising the new "Scorpion King" soundtrack and Godsmack's "I Stand Alone" single, to find Masters and crew at ringside.]
going to see my favourite wrestler, "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan, the Huckster, take on... no? We're not going to see the Huckster? What do you mean this is NPW? No Huckster? No Huckster? [He starts to throw a temper tantrum against the wall.] But I came all this way to see the Huckster perform and he won't perform? No Huckster?
Entertainment" Dick Olsen. Let's get a word
with him.
Dickie? You're not a *tough guy* like the
Huckster, are you? C'mon *tough guy*, show me how *tough* you are.
boxing stance and starts dancing around like the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz.]
another thing...
Half an hour, ok? Don't be late.
with his arms and legs tied together behind his back. The camera is placed on the ground shooting Tom from a worm's eye view.]
only his black wrestling boots are seen. The unidentified person interrupts Tom's whining by shoving a balled up sock into his mouth. Seconds later, he walks out of the shot. The scene fades to black on a very upset, hog-tied, Tom Green. We cut back to ringside.]
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