Posted by NPW on 9/23/2003, 1:19 am MASTERS: We're back, fans, and coming up we've got the main event ... and the stakes are high! ARIEL: Steaks? Oooh, not for me. I'm a vegeta- ... errr, a vegema- ... uhhh ... I don't eat meat. CROWLEY: Funny ... that's not what it says in the bathroom stalls backstage ... ARIEL: What? MASTERS: KEN! CROWLEY: Ahhh ... what's the purpose of making crude references if you've just gotta explain 'em later? Anyhow, Bobbo ... you're right about the stakes in this one. The winner of this match becomes the number one contender to the NPW Championship. You've got three completely different stories here ... the Alpha Male, Direwolf: Two-time NPW champ, looking to become the first-ever three-time holder of the company's top strap. Keith Edwards: he's dominated the ranks in the TV, Canadiana and Tag title divisions, but now it's 'put up or shut up time'. This is the Corrupt One's best chance to prove that he belongs among the elite here in Nat Pro. And finally, Megaera, the Fury. A relative newcomer to Nat Pee Dub, she's the wildcard here. Does she have what it take to play with the big boys, or is she gonna be grossly overmatched? ARIEL: ... what does it say the bathroom stalls ...??? [Crowley shakes his head in mock frustration.] CROWLEY: See what I mean?? MASTERS: Moving on ... the rules of the match are simple. There's no countout, no disqualification. The first person to score either a pinfall or a submission victory over one of his or her opponents will be crowned the new number one contender to Jaime McNulty's NPW Championship! CROWLEY: Speaking of whom ... [Spotlights hit the stage as the NPW Champion himself hits the stage. He's resplendent in black leather pants, a sparkly, skintight jersey top with silver and black vertical stripes, and silver shades. Running a hand through his spiky, frosted-tipped hair, he slaps and gestures at the large title belt that's slung over his left shoulder. Strutting his way down towards the ring, McNulty talks smack with fans lining the ramp as a chorus of boos rains down upon him.] MASTERS: And the NPW Champion is here! Not only will he witness the anointing of the number one contender to his title ... but he'll play an instrumental role in the process, as McNulty takes on the role of special guest referee! ARIEL: Ooooooh ... sparkly .... CROWLEY: You've got to wonder if McNulty's position as the referee in this match will help or hurt his Wrecking Crew teammate, Keith Edwards? We've seen mixed signals from these two over the past couple of weeks ... but if they're still tight, this could be a HUGE advantage for Edwards. [The lights go down in the arena as a hip-hop beat starts to play over the sound system.] MASTERS: And, speak of the devil ... we're about to get underway! [Ariel Mace has assumed her ring-announcing position at the side of the broadcast table.] MACE: The following match will determine the number one contender for the NPW Championship!! Introducing first.....from Halifax, Nova Scotia.....weighing in at two hundred forty five pounds...."Corrupt" Keeeeeith Eddddwaaaaaaards! [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!] MASTERS: Even back in his homeland, the crowd isn't showing much support for the self-proclaimed Golden Man, Keith Edwards. CROWLEY: That's obviously because tonight is national 'shove your head as far up your ass as possible' day here in Calgary, and they don't know true talent when they see it! This guy's got it! MASTERS: Wow, the way you're talking about him, you'd think he was an Untouchable or something. CROWLEY: Well, he's not THAT good. But he's still pretty damn good.... [Keith Edwards comes through the entrance in short gold tights with black trim. The letters "KE" are printed on the seat. His fist are heavily taped and he wears a black sleeveless T-shirt with the words "League of Champions" printed across the front in a bold orange. Keith's hair still has the gold tips in it from earlier this week. Keith scratches at his chin as the crowd showers him with boos. Keith shrugs before holding both fist in the air, and quickly turning them into middle fingers.] CROWLEY: Now that's nice, even though they're booing him, he's letting them know that they're still number one in his heart. These ungrateful bastards should be kissing his feet right now. He's about to lead NPW into the next generation! Keith Edwards is one of the most charismatic performers on the entire roster ... I know it ... he knows it ... and I know Angelina Bishop knows it......if you want my prediction, I'm callin' Edwards to finally step up and take it. I think it's his time. MASTERS: I wouldn't be so sure about that, Crowbar. Direwolf is none too happy about the direction that Angelina Bishop is trying to take this great company ... and if I can be quite honest, I really hope that Keith Edwards doesn't win this match tonight. I don't even want to think about what may become of NPW if he made good on a title shot. CROWLEY: Aren't we supposed to be unbiased when we call these things, Masters? MASTERS: Well I'm sorry, but tradition is something that I hold near and dear. I'm surprised you don't yourself, Ken. CROWLEY: Hey, tradition is cool and stuff, but the fact of the matter is that we're staring at the face of a whole new movement here. The stuff that got over before may not be able to get over with people now. We need excitement! We need entertainment! We're going worldwide, baby! People are getting their chances to show what they're made of, and now is the time for everybody to crap or get off the damned pot. [Keith has an usually arrogant swagger about him tonight ... even for Keith Edwards. Keith reaches the ring and rolls in under the bottom rope. He climbs to the second turnbuckle and puts his fists in the air, only to be showered by boos once again. Keith rolls his eyes before jaw jacking with a few fans at ringside. Keith hops off the ropes and removes his shirt, tossing it at Ariel Mace. It lands right on top of her head, and she quickly removes it, throwing it outside the ring for a few fans to fight over. Ariel makes a disgusted face at Keith and sticks out her tongue at him. Keith grabs his crotch with one hand and and flips Ariel the bird with the other.] MASTERS: Is THAT the direction we're heading, Ken? Disrespecting women and crotch grabbing on national television? CROWLEY: It's worked for many gangster rappers! MASTERS: Well pardon me, I wasn't aware that Keith Edwards was a gangster rapper. CROWLEY: You know, there's a lot that you're not aware of, Bob ... something else you should be aware of is the fact that Keith's very own stablemate and the NPW Champ himself, Jaime "The Gift" McNulty, is gonna be officiating this one. I think it's as good as in the bag for Keith. MASTERS: Perhaps that will be an advantage, but one has to question the actual alliance of the Wrecking Crew right now. These guys are so full of themselves that it's making it harder and harder for them to remain friends. CROWLEY: This is a big match here tonight. I'm sure that they sat down over a few beers and a few pairs of boobs and had a man to man about it. There's no point for them to squander an opportunity like this. I think they'll be on the EXACT same page, and that could spell trouble for Direwolf and Megaera. [As if to emphasize Crowbar's point, Edwards finally turns around in the ring, and acknowledges his grinning partner. McNulty and Edwards share a sign of camaraderie as they silently touch fists ... and the lights go back down...]
66.46.57.11
[Coming back from a commercial, the cameras pan across the crowd, finally settling on the trio at the announce table.]
## Before you're down to nothin', without a pot to piss in ##
## You're missin' the point that I'm mapping on this chart ##
## Everything we could be, everything we're not ##
## A noose for my hurt, feel it jerkin' me loose ##
## Been lathing abuse and it's breakin' me up ##
## I'm borderin' final, and enough's enough ##
## I think that I detect a sick sign of self respect ##
## What did I expect? I expected so much more from myself ##
## So why can't I open my eyes? ##
## I THINK I'M ####IN' DEAD! ##
