Posted by NPW on 9/23/2003, 12:48 am MASTERS: No Entrance music for this "match" folks. This is going to be pure brutality once Dominic Demonstone arrives. CROWLEY: Why, is he going to cut a promo? [As Rose recoils at the handshake attempt from Norman, there is a sudden EXPLOSION of GLASS on the HEAD of the champ!] MASTERS: AND DOM DEMONSTONE HAS ARRIVED!!! [Unbeknownst to Norman, but knownst to us, Demonstone climbed the street light and HURLED the huge bulb at his opponent. He stands there in his black leather trench coat staring down at his foe. The champ falls to his knees as blood begins to trickle down his face and neck. Joseph shakes his head in frustration and pours out his glass-filled coffee thermos.] ARIEL: But, how's Dom going to get down from way, way, way up there. [Longtime Demonstone fans need not wonder. They know how "The Extremist" plans to arrive on the ground... painfully! Pausing to crack a sick smile, Demonstone crouches down low and leaps off the 15 foot tall post! 180 degrees...... 360 degrees...... FIVE-FIFTY DEGREES......] MASTERS: GOOD GAWD!!! DEMONSTONE LANDED A 630 DEGREE SPLASH! ARIEL: ... How do you measure degrees so fast like that? CROWLEY [ignoring her]: But he didn't finish the rotation Bobbo. Looks like he hit his elbow pretty good on that landing. I was never a high-flyer in my career for reasons like that. ARIEL: I thought it was because you were big, fat, and weren't very talented. [Demonstone, stunned, clutches his left arm. He appears to be in a pinning position over Norman but Rose is down the street ordering a replacement coffee. It takes both men a while to stir. By the time Dominic tries to stand, Rose is half-way finished his cup while Norman has caused quite the red puddle on the pavement.] ROSE: Nice to see you up Dom. Will you hold my coffee? I have to pee. [Dom, still a little wobbly, finds a cup of hot coffee thrust in his hand. He peers down at Norman and the big freak BOOTS THE COFFEE INTO HIS FACE!!! Dom smiles as the scalding liquid bights into his flesh. Norman looks slightly disturbed by this but nevertheless begins hammering into Demonstone with forearms. Stopping only briefly to look for Rose, the champ whips Dom into the light pole face first! Blood sprays on the pole.] MASTERS: Both men are cut now and we're only minutes into the "match"... CROWLEY: How do you keep making those quotation marks appear? [With Dom slumped against the pole, Norman comes charging in and clotheslines his face into it further. As Demonstone wobbles and begins to fall back, the big nerd spins and clotheslines him right to the concrete sidewalk! Dom's head actually bounces. Norman hauls Demonstone up and drags him down the street towards where Rose took off. Unable to find him, Norman spots a Comic Book store across the street. Waiting patiently for the traffic signal, the champ begins thrusting knee lifts into the ribcage of Demonstone. Finally, when the light changes, he drags the challenger across the road with him.] [Arriving at the store, the customers give Norman the loudest pop of the evening when he flashes the "live long and prosper" hand sign. Then, he points to Demonstone and yells to the assembled nerds.] NORMAN: HE'S THE GUY WHO WROTE THE SPIDER-MAN ISSUE WHERE THEY KILLED AUNT MAY!!! [The hoard of geeks descend upon Demonstone landing ineffective punches and kicks and pimply headbutts. Norman stands back to watch and strikes up a conversation with the owner.] NORMAN: This reminds me of ST episode 19, act 3 where Captain Kirk battled with the Gorn.] OWNER: No, no, no. This is much more reminiscent of TNG episode 39, act 2 when Riker was swarmed by the Androgenites. NORMAN: Interesting point. But the fact remains that in my episode Kirk bagged a green chick while in your's Riker got dumped by a she-male. OWNER: TAKE THAT BACK!!!! NORMAN: MAKE ME!!!! [Instantly, the nerd posse envelops Norman. Their taunts that Kirk was clearly making passes at Spoke in episode 11, act's 3, 4, and 5 just seem to make Norman more angry.] NORMAN: I'M SETTING MY PHASERS ON MAXIMUM FRY!!! [Nerds fly everywhere, knocking over lead figures, graphic novels, and autographed baseballs. During the fracas, Dom stirs and then stands. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Joseph Rose ducking geeks while he looks up a specific page in the Monster Manual. As Norman throws off the last dweeb, Dom slides in and hooks his modified Taz-mission sleeper!] MASTERS: DARK GIFT!!!! CROWLEY: This could be over right here in the...... [shudder]..... comic book store. [Norman tries to fight it off but seems to have little energy after tossing around so many nerds. He slowly begins to drop. As Norman falls to one knee, he seems to have enough wits left to snapmare Dom over his shoulder to the floor. Not pausing at all, he leaps into the air and delivers a smart looking legdrop. Demonstone rolls slowly away as Norman begins to rise again.] NORMAN: Let me see th-[BR-CRASH!!!!] [Norman drops to the ground as Dom just blasts his skull with the cash register. Climbing up to the counter, Demonstone flashes that sadistic smile before leaping into the air.] MASTERS: A DESTINY OF SOULS!!! ["The Extremist" PLANTS down onto Norman with his modified Senton bomb. Blood sprays all over and Rose holds up an issue of Giant Sized X-Men to shield him. The nerds that remain conscious begin weeping. Although clearly hurt by the move himself, Dominic is smiling. He very slowly gets up and begins dragging Norman out of the store. Walking into the cold night he pulls the WPN champ along the pavement up to a graffiti-stained door on a black wall. Dom opens the door to a gothic bar and tosses himself and Norman in together. The cameraman holds back for a few moments, afraid to follow. Turning to Rose, we see that our trusty referee has decided to brave the cold rather than enter after them. A few odd noises emit from the bar...an old man laughing...... glass breaking...... a woman screaming in ecstasy...... a chicken...... ] MASTERS: THIS ISN'T WRESTLING!!!! [Finally, both men are expelled onto the street, bleeding and battered worse than before. In addition, it appears that Norman has been force-fed his Star Trek t-shirt. A man with a full leather mask closes the door behind them leaving both fighters bleeding on the concrete.] MASTERS: Looks like the plan to turn the tables on Norman have backfired on Demonstone. ARIEL: Tables? Backs? Fires? Where am I? CROWLEY: She is contractually obliged to speak during every match folks. You know Bobbo, I think Dom MEANT to get the piss kicked out of himself too, just look at his face! [Indeed Demonstone has a sick grin plastered on his crimson mask. Meanwhile, Rose is impatient and shivering.] ROSE: Can one of you two please just kill the other so I can go inside where it's warm?
66.46.57.11
[We cut to outside the main entrance of the Saddledome, where Joseph Rose is standing on the sidewalk, clad in a home-made referee's outfit, looking very tanned. He looks around, then spots the camera.]
ROSE: So, tonight's the night that I show the ungodly-awful NPW referees how to officiate a contest. Now, I know you must be wondering why I agreed to do this in the first place because after all, I hate Canada, I hate hardcore wrestling, and I don't really care for either E-Normous Norman or Dominic Demonstone. So you must be asking yourself, "Self, what does old Joey Rose get out of this?" Well, it's very simple. National Pro Wrestling has done everything they can to screw me over since the first day I stepped into this company, so you can imagine my surprise when I got an e-mail from TJ Killingbeck asking me to do this.
I thought about it, and after a while, and decided that taking time away from my Hawaiian vacation to stick it to NPW would be a worthwhile venture. So here I am, in this stupid referee's outfit, waiting for those two idiots to come out here and fight for a title that isn't real. I mean, if these jackasses want to do this, they can do it in their own backyards like the thousands of other semi-retarded people who think that "hardcore" is the way to go. I was glad when the title died, and I'll be glad to watch these two kill each other's careers. Now where are those two morons, my balls are freezing...
[Norman wearing his leotard pants, with wrestling shorts and knee high wrestling boots answers the question. The fans in the arena pop for the big freak. Tonight he sports an "I am Spock" T-shirt and his wire rim glasses. He waves in a friendly way to Rose who snarls and pulls out a thermos of coffee. E-NN approaches, taking off his glasses.]
ROSE: Holy sh...... have either of you SEEN this picture of the Succubus????
