Posted by BC "DR. CLEAN" BOB MASTERS : WE! ARE! LIVE! RIGHT HERE IN THE BEAUTIFUL AIR CANADA CENTER IN TORONTO, CANADA! BECAUSE TONIGHT, ON THE EVE OF THE GREATEST PPV IN NPW HISTORY, THE GIANTS OF OUR SPORT HAVE COME TO COLLIDE! THIS IS NORTHERN PRO WRESTLING -- AND THIS IS... THE STAND! [Our cameras race ringside to find Masters and his announce crew behind their table near the ring. "Dr. Clean" wears the traditional black tuxedo and bow tie as he sits behind the desk, his short brown hair neatly combed. To his immediate left are the back of a pair of jean-covered legs... and as the camera pulls out, we see they belong to the incomparable Ken "Crowbar" Crowley, presently standing on his chair and raising his fists to the crowd. Crowley wears a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey with Tie Domi's name and number, his standard black wraparound shades, and some snakeskin boots. The camera pulls in closer to wear Ariel Mace is seated, waving at the lens with her flapping fingers and her big smile. Presently, she is dressed in a royal blue, clinging gown, and her hair rides high and styled on her head. Her jewellry flashes under the lights as Masters speaks.] MASTERS : Hello once again wrestling fans, and welcome to THE STAND! A capacity crowd has sold out the Air Canada Centre tonight in anticipation of the biggest pay-per-view in Northern Pro Wrestling history! I'm "Dr. Clean" Bob Masters, alongside as always "The Master of Disaster", Ken "Crowbar" Crowley, and the beautiful and talented Ariel Mace! We are set to bring you all the exciting action tonight in this thrilling event -- a thrilling event that will see NPW champion Direwolf defend his title against Think Tank Turner! A night that will see CAL World champion Timmy Fantastico defend his title against KWF's Sal Paradise! A night that will see every strap under the Northern Pro banner defended... and oh, so much more! Jennifer Tilly is here! Natasha Henstridge and Neve Campbell are here! Tom Green and Ed the Sock are here! And after that incredible musical introduction by Godsmack, musical groups Sloan and Spirit of the West are also in the building! Ariel, what a night! ARIEL MACE : MY NAME IS ARIEL MACE! AND I! AM! CANADIAN! -- Not to mention that in just a short moment, Canadian singing sensation Nelly Furtado will be out to sing the national anthems! [singing] #I'M LIKE A BIIIIIIIIIRD! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING-SOMETHING! SOMETHING SOMETHING TRA LA LA LAAAA....# KEN "CROWBAR" CROWLEY [stepping down off the chair] : BOBBBBBBB-BBBBBBO! Someone make her shut the hell up! MASTER OF DISASTER UP IN THE A.C.C.! KING OF STING! EVERY FACE'S NIGHTMARE, EVERY HEEL'S DREAM! What a night, Bobby! I'm floatin' like a cannonball an' stingin' like a shark! OH GOOD GAWD BOBBO! MASTERS : It is an incredible evening, Kenny, ol' buddy! Just when we thought NPW was down for the count at the hands of the now-disbanded Hard Embassy, we're on the air with one heckuva show! Because tonight, right here in the Air Canada Cantre, NPW champion Direwolf defends his title against Think Tank Turner! CROWLEY : THE BATTLE WE'VE ALL BEEN WITING FOR! Someone should have told Rodden and his boy Carnage that this is THE headliner of the night! Not to take away from my macho muchacho Timmy Fantastico, but everyone has been dyin' to see Turner and the Alpha Male collide one on one for a long time! Speaking of which -- what the hell is that cage doing hanging over the ring??? MASTERS : I've been wondering that myself, Kenny! There are no cage matches scheduled for this evening -- I guess we'll just have to wait and see! This is Enn Pee Dub, where extreme is a lifestyle... and anything can happen! but as you mentioned, the co-main event tonight will be the CAL World championship return match between Timmy Fantastico and Sal Paradise! ARIEL : GOOOOO SAL! He needs to dump his smelly high school wrestling coach and find another woman! I used to date a guy with a mullet... CROWLEY : You used to date whole FOOTBALL TEAMS with mullets! But the question of the night is whether or not Sal can overcome his troubles with that Sandy chick and concentrate on Fantastico, to get Coach's belt back! Or, if he will be able to use that rage to fuel himself into winning the title back! ARIEL : Sal Paradise dated Timmy F's dead transvestite girlfriend? CROWLEY : NO! IT'S A DIFFERENT SANDY! Don't you even pay attention anymore! ARIEL : I like eggs. MASTERS [interrupting] : Well, eggs are very nice indeed -- but not as nice as the matches we've got scheduled tonight! Kurgan Demonstone, who announced that he will be retiring tonight after this event, will be joining his brother Gregor in an attempt to win the Tag Team gold from the newly-crowned Extreme Incorporated! CROWLEY : Lonny Bash! Louie Z! Two of the most unlikely champs ever! They've got a lot to prove to yours truly. And you know Greg and Kurg want to go out in style. -- You know, it's a drag : we not only lose Kurgan after tonight, but we lose Ashley Hendricks to retirement, too! MASTERS : That we do, and NPW's loss is the University of Mississippi's gain, as Ashley will be pursuing her Master's Degree! She will be missed, but will still be active behind the scenes with NPW. Tonight, she too tries to go out in style as she faces the third Demonstone, Dominic, in a submission match! CROWLEY : Dominic broke her collarbone after she low-blowed him months ago. Now, it's all about who's got the more effective finisher -- and who wants it more! OLE MISS REBEL! HARDCORE GOTH! LET'S GET IT ON, BABY! ARIEL : I don't think that it's very proper of you to be soliciting Uncle Bobby on a pay-per-view. -- Anyhow, you're creepy, so we'll let it slide. I want to talk about Danny Vicious fighting Marty Sugar! Danny is hunkalicious cute! And he's a CHAMPION! MASTERS : The Television champion, to be precise, Air! He draws Marty Sugar, who got this match by turning on Danny after Vicious made a save from the Demonstone Clan's vicious beatdown recently! It promises to be a barnburner! -- We've got so many matches, fans : Astroth and Morgan getting it on one last time in a feud so hot that it threatens to explode! Ric Hard tries to survive the fury of former THE compatriot Brock Slater! Rob Brimstone defending his Northern Heritage strap against TJ Killingbeck -- with Molly in the middle -- in an Inferno match! So much to get to! Let's not waste any more time! Ariel, let's get this show rolling! ARIEL MACE [over the house mic] : Ladies and gentlemen! Please welcome at this time, here to sing the Canadian and American national anthems... four-time grammy award winner.. NELLY FURTADOOOOOOOO! [The cheers and whistles of the crowd are tremendous for the new pop icon from Canada. Furtado, coming out of the back and holding a microphone, waves as she comes down the ramp to the ring and climbs daintily inside. Dressed in a long gown and with her pigtails falling over her back, Nelly lifts the microphone to her lips as the lights darken slowly and a spotlight falls over her.] NELLY FURTADO : #O, Canada... our home and native land....# [The crowd sings along with the Canadian superstar, cheering massively for the Canadian national anthem and clapping and whistling after the American national anthem. Furtado, waving and picking up a few thrown roses, exits the ring as the crowd gets ready for the show.] MASTERS : What stirring renditions of the national anthem of two great countries, Ken! What a voice that young lady has! And fans, be sure to pick up Nelly's CD, "Whoch, Nelly!", available at record stores everywhere! CROWLEY : Yeah, she's pretty good -- if you like that sort of crap rock. Nice job with the national anthems, though. I was half-expecting to see Slater come out and give her the Shank! MASTERS : Thank God he didn't. We've got enough trouble with the CAL these days without that monster coming out here and spearing her. ARIEL : HEY! DON'T GIVE HIM ANY IDEAS! They have monitors in the back! MASTERS : Good point. Fans, we understand that standing by backstage right now are our special celebrity guests -- actors Natasha Henstridge and Neve Campbell! Let's take a look!
on 4/19/2002, 3:51 pm
[The Canadian fans are on their feet for Godsmack, and the opening for The Stand! The arena, now covered in spotlights, comes alive with their cheers as multi-coloured beams splash light everywhere. The voice of Bob Masters suddenly raises above the din : ]
[RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!]
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