Posted by BC on 5/27/2002, 1:17 am (VOICE OF TIMMY FANTASTICO :) (From out of the back, underneath the big screen, emerge the Untouchables - Timmy Fantasico and TJ Killingbeck. Killingbeck, wearing a black bandana wrapped in a thick headband style over his short hair and with a Singapore cane wrapped in barbed wire in his hands, also wears the tag title, a dark t-shirt with the sides cut out that displays the smiling faces of The Untouchables on the front and the bold words NEXT TIME, BRING KRYPTONITE! emblazoned upon the back. Timmy Fantastico, dressed in silver trunks and boots, wears the CAL World title over one shoulder and the CAL World Tag title around his waist. Standing between the team is their five and a half year old manager, the portly and bespectacled Millicent, chewing a large wad of gum as her bug-like eyes blink out from behind her thick glasses; and the Pimply-Faced Kid, glaring at Milli. Lastly, they are followed by Killingbeck's sister, Machine Gun Molly, wearing a black sports bra over some ratty cut-off jeans, and a black toque with a UT logo emblazoned on it. The Untouchables peer around at the crowd, Killingbeck making a sour face and Timmy hip thrusting everything in sight.) (TF)#He tole a little story dat sounded well-rehearsed ARIEL : "With a total combined weight of 415 pounds... 'The Cray-Zee From Ayy-Zee', TJ Killingbeck..... The CAl Worlllllld champion, 'The Macho Muchacho', Timy Fantastico... They are the Coalition of Affiliated Leagues WORLLLLLLLLD Tag Team champiooooooons..... THE UNNNNNTOUCHABLESSSS!" (The Untouchables make their way ringside, Millicent waddling after them and Molly hopping on TJ, riding her brother's back to the ring. Killingbeck, ever surly, trudges towards the ring and rolls inside, sitting in the turnbuckle as Molly disembarks to run around the ring all willy-nilly.) (TJK)#"Now my name is Killingbeck I've got a license to cane (TJ)#"Now I got the cane and you got the brew CROWLEY: "And team UT finally getting the fan reaction they deserve baby!" MASTERS: "It's all pretty relative Ken." [Fantastico and Killingbeck aproach the ring warily, the PFK trailing behind- picking up the breadcrumb trail of gold belts they carelessly shrug off- all their focus fixed on the members of Larger Than Life, who wait ready at the ropes, hurling taunts and insults to the CAL champs. Celebrity has chosen to wait at a neutral side- putting some distance between the aproaching UTs and the announce table.] MASTERS: "UTs rush the ring, and Larger Than Life is waiting for them!" [TJ and Timmy slide under the ropes as one, only to be on the receiving end of stomps, Carrington pounding away at Killingbeck while Cheung plants his boot in Timmy's back and head. Bash calls for the bell, moving in to get instill some order.] MASTERS: "Carrington makes for the corner after throwing TJ through the ropes and unto the concrete floor at ringside, leaving Cheung and Fantastico to face off- and the crowd is on its feet!" CROWLEY: "It's the champ against the number one contender!" MASTERS: "And that contendership is on the line tonight!" [Cheung continues the assault on the prone Fantastico. Dragging him up by the hair, ignoring referee Danny Bash's warnings, Cheung sends Timmy back down with a side russian leg swip, scrambling up and coming back down with a knee into Fantastico's exposed mid-section.] MASTERS: "Cheung firmly in control, working to ground the high-flying Fantastico! Another pick up by Cheung." [Scooping the smaller man in a fireman's carry, Cheung throws Fantastico's legs out behind him, holding on to his arm, which he brings down sharply over the shoulder- kicking his own legs out underneath him for extra momentum.] MASTERS: "Beautifull fireman's carry arm breaker by Cheung. Watching some earlier footing of him, it's undeniable how far he's come in terms of his wrestling acumen! Cheung is isolating that arm now, an over the shoulder arm drag, and Cheung keeping up the pressure on the mat!" [In the ring, Fantastico struggles up to his knees, slapping around behind him to get a fix on Cheung's position, shuffling back, he unloads with a series of quick elbows- breaking the hold. Wild swing by Fantastico with his good arm- ducked by Cheung and into an atomic drop!] MASTERS: "Fantastico off the ropes, caught by Cheung!" [Cheung slaps his arms around Timmy, lifting him for a belly to belly. As Fantastico rises, his face coming level with Cheung's...] CROWLEY: "Facebutt! Right in the kisser!" [Both men stumble back, Cheung recovering quickly and rushing forwards- right into Timmy's open arms- lifting Cheung up, Timmy simply falls backwards, sending Cheung's head straight into a turnbuckle!] MASTERS: "Cheung is stunned, trying to shake it off- but Fantastico now on the attack!" [Lawrence fights his way up to one knee, shaking his head to clear the cobwebs. Fantastico runs for the ropes, springboarding off them to deliver a missile dropcick to the back of the Soldier's neck! The impact sends Cheung forwards- his head colliding again with the turnbuckle. Moving in behind him, Fantastico grabs two handfulls of hair, standing him up and smashing his head into the turnbuckle. Danny Bash quickly intervenes, calling for the break. Fantastico does do reluctantly, slipping his head down and lifting Cheung up for a belly to back suplex. In the air, Cheung flails his legs- and this close to the turnbuckle, uses it to kick himself up and over the dimunitive mexican. Cheung lands on his feet- shifts his arm and brings Fantastico crashing down with a crisp reverse DDT!] MASTERS: "What a counter by Lawrence Cheung! Really demonstrating some agility and adaptability out there!"
(The arena lights go down inside the Corel Centre as multicoloured spolights begin to dance around the stage. Across the screen, the words THE UNTOUCHABLES appear in bold writing over the grinning faces of Calvin Astroth, Timmy Fantastico and TJ Killingbeck as they look collectively down into the camera. The unlikely Beastie Boys "Paul Revere - Untouchables Remix" begins to play over the sound system -- a remix apparently sung by The Untouchables themselves.)
#Now 'ere's a little story I's got to tell
'bout t'ree bad brudders dat joo know so well
It started way back in history
Wit' Cal, TJ, and me- TIMMY!
Been had a little horsey name Paul Revere
Jus' me and my horsey an' a quart of beer
Riding 'cross de land, kicking up sand
De CAL is on my tail 'cause I's in demand
One lonely UT I be!
All by myself wit'out nobody!
De sun is beating down on my baseball cap
De air is gettin' hot, de beer is getting flat
Lookin' for a girl I ran into dis guy
His name is Killingbeck,
I said, "OLA!" he said,
(VOICE OF TJ KILLINGBECK) "Hi."#
Four days on de run, hombre's dying of t'irst
De brew was in my hand and he was on my tip
His voice was hoarse, his throat was dry
He ask me for a sip
He said,
(TJK) "Can I get some?"
(TF)I said, "joo can't get none!"
Had a chance to floor
He pulled out his Singapore
He was quick on de draw I thought I be dead
He put de cane to my head and dis is what he said#
I think you know what time it is it's time to feel pain
Now what do we have here, a muchacho and his beer?
I run this land, you understand, do I make myself clear?"
(TIMMY)We stepped into de wind
He had a cane, I had a grin
Joo t'ink dis story's over
but iss ready to begin#
You got two choices of what you can do
It's not a tough decision as you can see
I can cane you to a pulp or you can ride with me."
(TF)I says, "I'll ride wit' joo if joo can get me to de border
Jack Mace is after me for what I did to his daughter
We did it like dis! We did it like dat!
We did it all day long wit' a whiffleball bat!
So now I's on de run, de man's got my Pepe
And right about now it's time to have fun, OK?
Fantastico, dat is my name
And I know de fly spot where dey got de champagne."
We rode for six hours den we hit de spot
De beat was a-bumpin' and de chicas was hot
Dis dude was staring like he knows who we are
We took de empty spot next to Esse at the bar
TJ said,
(TJK) "Muahaha, you know this kid?"
(TF) I said, "I didn't." But I knows he did
De kid said,
(VOICE OF CALVIN ASTROTH)"Get ready, cause this ain't funny
I'm the Paranoid Genius and I'm about to get money."
(TF)Pulled out his hands, aimed them at the sky
He yelled, "Stick'em up!" and let two axehandles fly
Hands went up and people hit de floor
He Smashtrot'ed two jobbers dat ran for de door
(CA)"I'm Calvin Astroth and I get respect
Your gold and your title belts is what I expect!"
(TF) TJ was wit' it an' he's my ace
So I's grabbed de referee and I punch him in de face
De referee's out, de announcer stopped
De timekeeper had beef and he got dropped
TJ grabbed the booze while Cal snatched the gold
I grabbed two chicas an' a beer dat's cold!!!#
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