Posted by BC NEVE : I can't believe it... I have to lead an ugly, gross, hideous man to the ring for his match! NATASHA : What are YOU complaining about? I HAVE TO LEAD OUT TIMMY FANTASTICO! PRODUCTION ASSISTANT [sticking her head into the Green Room] : You're on, girls! NATASHA / NEVE : GROAAAAAAAN! [We are out in the arena, and back at ringside.] MASTERS : We have just crowned a new champion, folks -- and now it's time for the final capper on an evening of pure thrills! It's time for CAL World champion Timmy Fantastico to defend his title against KWF's own Sal Paradise! CROWLEY : Yeah, and I'm not sure who's to blame for this -- whether it's Jack Mace or Sam Carnage or Jeremy Rodden -- but the NPW title ought to have been the main event! I'm tellin' yeah -- too much CAL and not enough NPDub make Crowbar an angry boy! ARIEL : Neve and Natasha don't seem too happy either! MASTERS : Indeed they do not, but they're here to work like the rest of us! Let's go to Jennifer Tilley in the ring for the introductions! TILLEY : And now entering the ring¡¦from the town of Hundred in the great state of West Virginia... accompanied to the ring by Coach Stakovich and actress Neve Campbell.... TILLEY : Saaaaal Paaaaarrrrradise! [Sal and Coach appear at the top of the ramp. Coach is in front of Sal waving to the fans, and Neve Campbell is hanging on to HIS arm. Sal is wearing a blue singlet with yellow elbow and knee pads. Of course, none of this is as important as the navy bodied and white pleather sleeved Hundred High letterman¡¯s jacket.] [They begin their walk to the ring. Sal looks like a zombie, but an angry zombie, so at least we know he¡¯s not dead. The Coach is basking in the adulation of the fans.. and the company of Ms. Campbell. He seems completely at ease as he wobbles on. Sal is looking around with eyes as slits full of poison.] [Sal climbs between the ropes and does a forward roll. Then, he starts to stretch as Coach yells to/at him. Campbell, amidst all the catcalls, returns backstage, much to her relief.] MASTERS : Sal Paradise is on a rampage since losing the title! Coach has convinced him that Fantastico slept with his girlfriend Sandy, and they've been attacking each other all over the CAL! [A disco beat starts pumping through the arena, as the Village People's 'Macho Man' plays over the speakers and the house lights go down.] TILLEY: ".. and his opponent - accompanied to the ring by Natasha Henstridge... the CAL World Champion - from Shelburne, Ontario, Canada .." {RAHHHHH!!!] ".. the 'Macho Muchacho' - TIMMMMMYYYYYYY FANNNNTASSSSSTICOOOOOOO!!!!!" Purple strobelights have now filled the stage, as pyro shoots from the top of the arena! Within moments, the silhouette of a small man, swinging his hips in time with the music appears behind white paper that is backed by purple lights. The NorthernTron lights up as the words "TIMMY" and "FANTASTICO" scroll from the top and bottom of the screen, respectively, before colliding in the middle, shaking .. then exploding into a montage of Timmy's in-ring action. Masters: And here comes Timmy Fantastico for his first CAL World title defence ... against the man he beat at Gods of War, Sal Paradise! Crowley: 'Chosen Muchacho' in da HOUUUSSSSSEE!!!!! Oh man, Bobbo - I'm PUMPED for this one! Partly because of Natasha Henstridge, too. Fantastico bursts through the paper entrance with his pet chihuahua Paco beside him. Wearing his silver-and-green trunks and matching boots, Timmy enters the arena wearing the CAL World Title belt around his waist, with his 18" steel pipe, Pepe, sticking out from the top of it. Henstridge appears behind him, trying not to look at him. Masters: "Fantastico is the FIRST EVER man to hold both CAL World belts simultaneously, Ken." Crowley: "True dat, Bob. And he didn't get anything handed to him either - he had to fight his way through 16 other guys to get the Heavyweight title shot against Paradise - the man who beat NWCW's Fudge, PSW's Lawrence Cheung and NPW's own Brock Slater in a heckuva title run. [Timmy rolls into the ring as the music dies, keeping Paradise at bay as his music dies out. Henstridge, catching a glimpse of his face, bolts towards the back to spew in private. Once inside, Timmy keeps a wary eye on Paradise as he complies with the ref's demand to hand over the World Title and dispose of his steel pipe. He withdraws 'Pepe' from his tights and places it in the corner beneath the ring ropes. Suddenly, CAL Special Investigator Sam Carnage appears on the NorthernTron!] CARNAGE : SAL! TIMMY! [Both men look to the screen.] CARNAGE : You two guys have been at each other's throats all over the CAL. Well, I checked with my boss, Jeremy Rodden, and I went to Mace with the idea, and -- well, forget all that. See that steel cage above you? [RAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!] CARNAGE : First one over the top to the floor or with a pinfall, submission, or disqualification victory wins the match... and the CAL World title. Enjoy it! [Sam fades from the screen, his face replaced by the logo of The Stand.] MASTERS : OH GOOD GAWD! We figured this was gonna happen! The first EVER CAL World title specialty match of any kind -- and it's right here in NPW, inside a STEEL CAGE!
on 4/20/2002, 3:04 am
[After a sponsor's break, we find Neve Campbell and Nataha Henstridge comiserating together in the back.]
And I live in a small town
Prob'ly die in a small town
Oh, those small communities#
My parents live in the same small town
My job is so small town
Provides little opportunity#
Taught the fear of Jesus in a small town
Used to daydream in that small town
Another boring romantic that's me#
Still hayseed enough to say
Look who's in the big town
But my bed is in a small town
Oh, and that's good enough for me#
And I can breathe in a small town
Gonna die in this small town
And that's prob'ly where they'll bury me#
Body...such a thrill my body
Body...wanna touch my body?
Body...it's too much my body
Check it out my body, body.
Don't you doubt my body, body.
talkin' bout my body, body,
check it out my body#
to have the kind of body, always in demand
Jogging in the mornings, go man go
works out in the health spa, muscles glow
You can best believe that, he's a macho man
ready to get down with, anyone he can#
Macho, macho man (macho man)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! Ow....#
Timmy waves to the back, and two other figures emerge from backstage: his beaten and battered Untouchable teammates, Calvin Astroth and TJ Killingbeck, both somewhat the worse for wear following their matches from earlier in the evening. They trudge down to the ring, their eyes locked on Paradise and Coach Stakovich, as Timmy lags behind, gyrating his hips towards many of the beautiful - and some not-so-beautiful - female fans lining the aisle as he heads ringside. Henstridge tries not to vomit.
Macho, macho man
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho!#
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