Posted by Jo-Anne
on 5/28/2012, 11:42 am, in reply to "Re: Put my "baby" to sleep tonight "
65.94.58.61
Hi Patricia. Thank You for your posting. It's truly felt like 2 weeks of Hell. :*( For a couple of days, actually started to feel a bit better then all of a sudden, it was right back to step one and going through major Denial, Guilt and Anger. The worst part was hitting "rock bottom" one night and wishing that I would actually die so that I could join Roxanne ... and then thinking about how much this would hurt my family and friends. Then you feel guilty if something makes you smile or laugh. It's been a really confusing and sad 2 weeks - a lot of days I wake up then feel like I'm just "going through the motions" part of or for the rest of the day. To this day, I'm still finding items of Roxanne's throughout the apartment - eg. toys, brush, fridge magnet for a pet sitter, etc. Arrgh! 
I've collected all of Roxanne's items - food/water dishes, litter boxes, etc. and put them all together in the bedroom closet. At some point when I'm ready, all these things will get donated, perhaps to a local cat rescue. I just went through a major Raging PMS - not surprising due to the stress this month. I'm forcing myself out the door every day for nature walks - it's doing me good to see lots of birds and wildlife. When I come home and walk through the front door, I still find myself looking to see if Roxanne is coming down the hallway or to hear her meow. Some days, her feeding times are still difficult and I have to look away from the clock for awhile. This morning, when I found Roxanne's brush, there was still her fur in it from the last brushing. I collected this fur and put it into a nice container that looks like a Sunflower with a ladybug on it. Somewhere around late June-mid July, will be collecting Roxanne's "paw print" from the vet's office. Not sure how I will react upon receiving/seeing this. Thank You Patricia and everyone for listening/reading.
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