Posted by William
on 10/21/2009, 8:15 pm
70.53.82.87
This has been a verry hard day. The first day since Jim's passing. Every time I walk through the front door, I am expecting to see him aproaching the front door, but that will never happen again. I break down and cry at the bottom of the stairs, one of his favorite spots. It is 1:42 pm, two and a half hours from now it will be 24 hours sinc he died in my arms. I can only imagine how it will be for Lisa tomorrow when I go back to work.
The house is deffinatly not the same. It's hard to believe that 22lbs of fur can do this, but he has. I have an ach that will not go. it will reside for a bit, but it is still there.
I have a feeling of guilt, that I was not the best owner that I could have been. Even though I know I could not have, I feel that I didn't protect him from cancer. I think he started to get sick in the begining or middle of June. He did hide it well. By the time we found out, it was too late.
We took Jim to the vet on August 24th becase of a twitch in his leg. I knew at that time it was serrious, either nerve damage or cancer. I couldn't stop crying as I drove him to the vet with Lisa. Lisa would tell me that he would be fine, and even when we left the vet with the idea of only a skin infection, I knew it was more.
At the request of the Emergency vet, we took Jim for blood work that Monday. The results came back the next day, every thing was fine except for two things that were so slighlty elevated but considering ever thing, it was not worth pursuing.
Jim then started to pull his fur out. We thought that it could be a reaction to the alcohal that was used to extract blood. We took him back to the vet and they first did a test of his skin by taking tape and geting samples off of him and looking under the micro scope. They found backteria, and allergic skin, but no answer.
We left Jim at the vet that night so he could have skin byposcy the next morning as I did not want Lisa to try to bring him to the vet by her self. This was verry upsetting for Lisa. we picked him up the next afternoon and waited over the Labourday weekend for the result.
The Tuesday after labourday I will never forget. I was at work back at the warehouse to reload when Lisa called. She was crying so hard that she had to repeat that verry troubling sentence three times before it registered,"Jim has pancreatic cancer." I guess i was in a state of shock when she said that and I told her that I had one more run to do. I hung up the phone, signed my paper work and whent out the door to do my run. I stop out side the door and for some reason just staired at my new Jeep. One tear roller out of my left eye, then I lost it.
Now at this point, it was only highly suspected that he had cancer, but I already knew. He had at this point lost about six or seven pounds. I thout back to a friend of mine whos cat had died from cancer, and the similarities were too similar.
Once again we took Jim to the vet to get some steroid shot to ease the itching. While we were at the vet's office, we were able to get a referal to get some x-rays and an ultral sound the next day. We were not able to let Jime have any food from mid-night on that evening.
The appointment for Jim was not until noon the next day. He would look at his food bowl, completly clean and empty and beg for food. This HURT like you would not believe. We took him to the vet hospital in Mississauga to see a specialist. The procedure was to take an hour or so so we left to get some thing to eat. Lisa would keep telling me that we aere finding this early and we could fix this, but in my heart, I din't think it was so.
We returned to get the results. They had found a 2cm growth on his pancries along with two smaller spots and one on his liver. the vet suggested that there was a verry slim chance that this could be lymphotic cancer in which they may be able to treat it. the only way to check for sure was to do a needle biopsy. Once again we left the vet, this time not even seeing him before we left to wait for a phone call once the procedure was complete and they had the results. Fortunatly, the could perform the test there on site.
We returned to the vet in the late afternoon after getting the phone call. We met with the vet how gave it to us strait, it was pancreatic carsinova.
Through heavly forming tears I asked how long he had left, to which she replied only afew weeks.
This was September 10th, six weeks prior to his death. I took this verry hard as did Lisa. i could not eat for about two days and then it was verry small at that point. We were told that Jim was not in any pain, and that there wasn't any thing we could do.
Many tears flowed that first week. Especialy when I called our vet about cremation and the said that it would come to a point that I would have to have him put down, it would become too unbarable for him in the end, and for us to watch. I literly collapsed in tears right there on the floor at that time. I have never done that before that I remember.
We told our families about his diagnosis and sugested to thoes that wanted to to come and say goodby. My parents were the last on the 20th of September to visit. Many pictures have been taken during this time and he was spoiled rotten.
To fast foward, Jim got to the point that he could no longer bare to feel the sand of his litter box on his paws. at first he would use a spot on the old carpet that we are getting rid of any way, then the carpet became to much. He countinude to use the newspaper that we laid out for him like a godd little kitty.
He continued to pull his fur out, his skin became verry flakey and itchy for him. thevening of the 19th, he would not eat. He did eat a fair amount during the day tohugh so I had some hope. the next morning, I tried to feed him and even offered him ice cream, he only sniffed it and walked away. I knew the time had come.
Shortly after nine in the morning, I called the vet and made the appointment for that after noon. Before we left, I took Jim for a tour of his house one last time,then we left for the vet.
I could not watch the drugs being administered, but I held his poor withered body in may arms with his little head on my shoulder while he died. First becoming unconsious, then his heart and breathing stoped with in two minits.
25
Message Thread:
« Back to thread