Posted by Pam
on 5/2/2009, 11:32 pm, in reply to "Re: My heart is breaking"
99.226.239.130
Stephanie and Laurien,
Thank you both for your kindness. Today we had to say goodbye to Cuddles.
We let our special girl go this afternoon around 3:00 pm. She had stopped eating again, and the vet told us that he didn't expect her to live much longer. Her prognosis was very poor. We knew that keeping her there would have made her miserable, and the IV was bothering her. Keeping her alive would have been for us not her. I knew deep down that there really wasn't any way that she would be able to come home.
The vet was so kind. He let us have as much time with her as we wanted in private. She went to sleep after a half and hour of us petting and kissing her. She was happy and relaxed with the people who loved her the most. She even gave us goodbye kisses. She hadn't kissed us in 2 weeks, and she had also stopped grooming herself. She was purring until the final moment.
I know we did the right thing, but I still feel guilty and I'm second guessing myself. There was no chance of recovery for her. I didn't realize how fast it would be. It took literally 2 seconds for her to go. It shocked me and I almost wish that I hadn't seen it happen. She didn't look dead, just asleep, but the moment that it happened, when she dropped down, I can't get it out of my mind. It is really haunting me. She had been there for me so many times, I just couldn't let her go without her Mommy petting and comforting her.
(WARNING: This paragraph is graphic and might be disturbing.) We decided to have her privately cremated. We will get her back along with a ceramic print of her paw. I had always wished that we could have buried her in a casket, but it is not possible in the City of Toronto. Cremation creeps me out, and the thought of them burning her sweet body to ashes is making me sick. I feel so guilty for that.
I am so lucky to have my husband. He was so strong and comforting. He is such a sensitive and kind person. I always loved watching him interact with Cuddles in their private moments. He loved her as much as I did. I could never ever gotten through today without him.
I am a mess. This hurts so much. I miss my special girl. We were so lucky that she found us, and had her in our lives for almost 7 years. She was an extraordinary soul. I will never forget her, and will cherish her memory forever. She taught me so much. She taught me how to love without words.
Thank you for reading.
Pam
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