Posted by Halton/Peel PLSG (Laurien)
on 10/18/2008, 10:28 am
65.92.127.154
2 years have passed. Where does the time go?
On this day, only 2 short years ago, I woke up in the morning, went to work, lived a normal life. I didn't think about what life would be like without my beautiful black cat.
And then he was gone. Passed in his sleep, on a blanket in my son's room. I can see myself walking into the room, seeing Poubelle lying all curled up. I spoke to him, (as I always did!) and when he didn't respond, my heart fell, and I knew.
He looked so peaceful lying all curled up into his favourite position. And my heart broke.
And that was 2 years ago today. October 18th, 2006.
2 years have passed since that terrible day. The grief has eased, though not completely gone.
I think of him often, and can smile and laugh now when my husband and I talk about him.
My family all have stories that I can now hear without breaking down, and finally, after all these months, I have learned how to live without him physically being here with me.
But make no mistake, he is "here" with me all the time, in the memories, in the funny stories we share, in the flash out of the corner of my eye, that moment when I turn suddenly and am so sure I can see him for a split second, in the phantom "maaam" meow that he had that I swear I can still hear sometimes...
He is here with me when I respond to others who are grieving the loss of a beloved friend.
This board has been such an important part of the healing process for me, and continues to be a daily part of my life.
The loss of Poubelle defines a little bit of who I am now. I am no longer just "me", but rather I am the new "me". The one who had to learn to cope with the loss of her best boy, who had to learn that life just doesn't do what we want it to all the time, who had to learn that loss is pain, more pain that she could ever have imagined.
Learning too, that life is never long enough.
But I also learned how lucky I was. There were no decisions to be made...Poubelle died in his sleep, without any warning. And while that was a total shock, and left me feeling like so much was unsaid...that last I love you, some extra treats, I also know that in death, as in life, Poubelle did exactly what he wanted to do. And I can smile at that now, because that was exactly who he was! It was Poubelle's way. Period. And I am smiling as I type this, because that's the way he would have wanted it.
He was a good boy. The best. And I miss him.
Mom loves you Poub.
But you already know that, don't you?
Dad found the penny you sent from the Rainbow Bridge last night. And you know what he said to me when he found it?
"Hey. I just got a kiss from Poubelle!"
And we smiled.
Love you baby boy.
Forever.
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