Posted by Nevella
on 10/16/2008, 8:14 pm
99.229.192.251
This is what I wrote today on my Facebook page:
Earlier today Martin and I took my dog Caesar to be euthanized. I will not go into much detail, because I am still very sad and can't stop crying (on and off).
From October 3rd-7th Martin and I were in Saskatchewan for his brother's funeral (he had committed suicide). It was heartbreaking. When my mom picked us up at the airport, she informed me that Caesar had "attacked" her and lunged at her and bitten her (breaking the skin) while we were in Saskatchewan. Caesar has been living with my parents since Martin and I moved out in July. But even before that, Caesar has lived with them for years and years and so he knows them well. My parents even walk him and play with him, etc. So for him to turn on them to the point where they were having to walk downstairs holding a broom in their hands to shoo him away if he jumped out at them, wasn't normal. Caesar, perhaps due to age and something happening to him mentally (that's what the lady at Animal Control told me after i described his behaviour changes over the past couple of months), became dangerous and unpredictable to others. Yes he was still loving and kind towards Martin and I (he has never shown any aggression towards me, in all of his 9.5 years), but Martin and I don't have a house, and so we could not take Caesar. Even if we did, we would have had to be rich enough to devote an entire section of our house entirely t o Caesar (and to make sure Martin's kids could never "accidentally" go near him).
I have heard from many friends, some of whom have had to make the difficult decision to euthanize. I've even heard from a couple of people who have had to (or known someone who has had to) have a dog euthanized due to mental changes which made them dangerous to others (like with my dog).
I have found a pet loss support group that meets near where I live. I will attend their monthly meetings. I have even received a personal phone call from the director. So I am glad that I can properly mourn the loss of my dog with others who have gone through similar situations.
Thank you Martin for being with me today. For helping to keep Caesar calm in the car, and for coming with me to take him for a final walk at Erindale Park. And thank you for making sure he made it inside okay. You just suffered a major loss a few weeks ago, and now you have to deal with death yet again. I'm sorry you had to go through that again. But thank you for being so strong for me. And for acting "normal" for Caesar. Thank you for holding me as I cried and cried and cried.
Even though Caesar hurt my mom, she still loved him very much. She was in tears this morning when she had to say her final "goodbye" when we left their house. Even after he began acting strangely around them, she'd still want to take him for walks, and would still talk to him like he was a person. So, it is hitting her hard too. She would take him for long walks almost every morning. And she has known him for over 9 years as well.
Here are some photos of Caesar. I was thinking of making a slideshow, but for now all I can handle is posting a few pics.
Mommy loves you Caesar. And she misses you dearly. And she is so sorry that she had to make that final decision. You are in a better place now. You are in heaven with Martin's late brother Isaac. Take care of each other, okay?
xoxo
(Caesar Schepmyer: February 22nd, 1999-October 16th, 2008)
Here is poem I just received from my friend Kim Bartlett. Yes it made me cry to read it, but it is exactly how I feel. Thanks Kim:
Please, God, if You should hear a scratch on Eden's Gate tonight,
A gentle whine, a muffled bark; have Peter take a light
And open up the Pearly Gates and call his Spirit in,
For I think he lived in Heaven once; please take him back again.
He may have at times have been a rascal, and we cleaned up lots of pee
Yet he was noble, kind and good; I think You will agree:
He will be very useful where the souls of children play,
He'll romp with them, and see; Dear God; they do not go astray.
Just tell him that we're sorry that we could not pat his head,
And whisper how we loved them while his Spirit fled.
I pray that when my death does beckon, and my soul surmounts life's fog,
I'll rate a place in Heaven, Dear God, beside my much loved dog...
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