Posted by MoChA Anyhow, I'm having a hard time right now. So Ima just continue 2 type until I get out all this anger I got goin on in here.... IDK if anyone heard the song from the Johnson Family Vacation "Shoulda Known Betta" by Case and Ghostface Killa...but the song hits home in the worst way. I really can't believe how pissed off I am right now. Have you ever tried at something so hard and you've put blood, sweat, and tears into it and it's like you get NO kinda results? My patience is runnin MAD short 4 some folks. I tried 2 get w/ this guy [my dumb self, homeboy is younger than me; BIG MISTAKE] and it's like he ain't got no time 4 me. All I want is 2 kick it w/ him. He won't even attempt that. I'm not THAT bad of a person 2 where nobody wants 2 chill w/ me. I thought I was a decent person. I guess in his eyes I'm not. I'm a bit aggrivated by the whole thing. I really shouldn't be b/c I think I saw this one coming. I thought I could try something different. I tried 2 step into the white boy game. I wanted 2 see what all the hype was about. So far, I haven't found out what the hell is going on. I only wanted 2 see if they were any different that black guys [wh/ is what I've been dealin w/ from the beginning]. But it looks like they're all the same. Maybe it's b/c I'm so picky. I personally think I'm not asking 4 a lot. I just want someone 2 kick it w/ me b/c they want 2. Not b/c they feel sorry 4 me and I look like a lonely dog that needs someone 2 love him. And there's something else I don't understand. This child isn't the only white guy I've tried 2 kick it w/. There's been something like 2/3 more. And the results vary [not in a positive way though]. In the end, I get the same negative results: I DON'T HAVE TIME 4 YOU.... Those of you that think my life is wonderful...think again. Whoever told you that, they're a liar. I'm a pretty depressed person. If you can't tell, read my stories. They say it all. I try and cover up my hurt thru my stories [most of the time it works]. I mean, if you think about it, I can make a character that lives the perfect life [and we all know there's no such thing] and everything works out 4 them in their life. I wish I could live my life thru some of the characters I've made. Some of the things that go on in their life are based on real events though. So not all of it is fake. Man, I wish I could go back in time B4 I was born and map out what I would look like, who I would be friends w/, make sure that I live a decent life, and that I'm kind 2 others. I'm tellin you, I would be a much happier person. I look at my best friend. She and I are the same age and she's getting married next year. My other friend just graduated from college about a week ago. She's movin on w/ her life and is VERY happy now. Another friend of mine is a single mom [her ex still helps support the child] is having the time of her life [I guess it's b/c she's single and loves life]. She's beautiful and got her stuff 2gether. I'm really proud of her. All my friends are good role models. I would like 2 be like all of them wrapped in one. I can't do that though. I wish I could though. I'm just me. 4 some reason, that's not good enuff [4 me or anyone else 4 that matter]. On the real side of things, I REALLY shouldn't care what others think about me [except the ones that care about me] but it's hard 2 ignore what others are saying. 4 some, their expectations 4 me are high as hell. The ones I have 4 myself aren't that high and I can't meet them. What's wrong w/ this picture? Am I trippin or what? Ok, I think I'bve had all I can stand 4 one nite. I'll more than likely be back 2morrow after work. I'm out~~~~~~>
on 5/15/2004, 11:48 pm
68.215.110.197
OK, this one isn't a story, like I normally post. I know I'm violating my own rules but this is MY board and I can do that. 
It's almost like I don't know what it's like 2 be happy anymore. I see all my friends all happy all the time. It must be nice.
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