Posted by Nath on May 29, 2006, 6:07 pm It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked Here's the next one nath... A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds this "I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine...
81.131.38.216
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him.
football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let
him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked
the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl
in the stadium.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the
face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a
list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris
did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
"booya".
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME
IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k
with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of
the blast went deaf.
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike
running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads: "If you can catch
me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A
few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way
with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing
happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has
lost 10 lb. as promised.
day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,
beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing
but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads:
"If you catch me you can have me." Well, he's out the door after her like a
shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her;
but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze, so
for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on
the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20
lb. as promised.
program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone - "This is our
most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good
in years."
huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing nothing but pink running
shoes and a sign around his neck that read:
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