Posted by Gabriel Rossano Gabriel Rossano Again this is a definition before reading your web site. which after reading it it helped a lot to clear some fogs in my mind.
on 8/6/2003, 9:15 am
198.81.26.105
A couple of days ago or so I decide to find a definition for state that could satisfy my conciousness, this was before I found your so timely web-site, and i think it is a defferent point of view of the same "reality".
The State
The State is the Creation of the hidden forces, or to better understand it the forces of our true nature, and the reflection of our own guilty contious, that is fullfilling the old rule which states that ... in other words what comes around goes around, and the real payment to our deeds with something more that only material things, but with something that we as a self defense mechanism ignore, and the self-denial is part of the price, and unless we first recognize it we would believe it to be the truth. But the stablishment of the state is the lowest degree to wich a civilization may go, and the closest to perfection a state may seem the closest a civilization may be to its own existance. The state becomes the dictator which got power not by fighting for it, or because it deserve it, but because the mistakes of some were so blind and uncapable of admiting its own error and change the direction in wich we were headed we decide to be proud and stuborn, and have the false vision that there is a better place beyond the dark tunnel, we get to a point were it is to late to go back and our own instint hides the real truth, but our contious which were always there, even though it may be asleep, for our own well being, and also as a self defence mechanism, because our own denial sent the contiousness to sleep before it realises it could be awake or before it realices it is sleeping and we make efforts to keep it that way, sleeping, for a long time until we become the victims of our own sneaky acts and start forgeting that the contiousness is there and we put it at a level that allows the contiousness to regaing control of itself and when it starts to wake up I can feel the terror, and the images from the past, all flash infront of my minds eye, and the defense mechanism sends a sighnal that could get me informed of the situation but this battle is getting to old for me that I got used to be in constant confrontation with my contiousness, and even though most of the battles if not all of them I have lost, such battles have change my true nature and has created a person that is different, with some experience that can only be gained through practice, and it no longer matter if I loose or win that battle because there are other battles that are being fought at this precisse moment, the only thing that it affects me is that I havent fought enough to lose my mind; I have lost my pride, self restpect at least for a while, one may argue that once you lose self respect you cannot get it back but I have learned that the more value you give to one aspect you are surrending part of you and the more value you put to anything regardless if it is something phisical such as: money, possetions, family, friends, or an entity product of our own nature as pride, respect, education, ethics, power, etc. all of it is nothing but a trasmissor or "router" or medium to hold, and redirect the power, control, energy, that we willfuly surrender underminding the true value of what we are giving away, only to come back and kick us in the but and trying to blame it to someone or something at wich we as someone completely allienated can do too little if anything at all, and try to swallow the losses, without even trying to look back enough to see that whatever hit us was nothing more than something artifitial, created by us and that our own stuburness that got us in so far into the tunnel with the self created illution or hope that there is light at the exit, but the journey has been so long and the the hope is dead, and without the hope of going back and choose another road we rather lie to ourselves to the point that we convince ourselves that the force that got us in so far stills there, but the reality is that the longer we accept that the purpose has changed, to a point were we could not imagine before but now that is so real and actual. is hard to identify our own personality, we been lying to ourselves for so long that our lies became reality and now that we finally let go and recognize our mistakes it really does not mean the same as it meant before, because recognizing our own mistakes requires complete separation from the ties that we ourself chose, and back then we chose the tyes we knew or we hoped or we expect to never have to brake, no matter the situation, and we tryed to make sure we could not brake, and since we ourselves chose the strong enough tye that even at the most complicated situation we could not brake those tyes, but the beatings have been so many and what we could call before as unbearable, we realize that we by a reason unimaginable we been through it and more and survived not for selfcouncious choice, but because our own strenght became our weakness, to a point were the illution of selfcontrol and self confidence with we lied to ourselves disapeared and showed me the true self, the one I was running from, the one I always tryed to ignored, and that I had confronted a few times before but I always manage to put it aside and entertain it there until the unevitable has to follow its path, and I have to face the truth one more time but I never thought I could take that much that it created or better it reminded me of the true self but those memories are so remote that I came to convince myself that they were a dream something that cannot be real, and now that those memories get clearer I try to understand that nothing matters but I have grown acustom to the fake reality that I find myself Playing the Old New game. but I Know Is only a matter of time before I regain full control of my own mind, so I'll let time do it's duty, and i ll try to focus on other things. like knowing myself, my own self and do not let it betray me again or at least know its game.
I know, by statistics that the possibilities of defeat are there but because i know mostly my enemy i know that if it is not gonna cheat, at least it is gonna be very crafty and sneaky, but what i think is that the only way I'll surrender is being dead. But I would rather be the manager of my own resources, I guess that way I'll have nobody to blame but myself, but I know that the blame is going to be outshone by the victory or even the defeat because I have learned that what is considered a victory could be seen as a defeat by someone superior or inferior and in reality I have learned to feel and that is more that I could expect.
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